“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In the past this was done completely at an unconscious level, with no conscious knowledge. He took no responsibility for his image. Since childhood, he expected later life to make up for any privations suffered earlier. Books were to bring instant success. The taste of limited success whetted his appetite during your tour. On the other hand he was afraid of it for the reasons given earlier, having to do with yourself.

The slowdown was physically expressed, both as an expression of the slowdown on the company’s part after the initial burst of activity, representing here disappointment and anger. This also represented a cautionary slowdown however to reassure you that he was not going to take over, overshadow you, since you have worked so hard at your own art without any such recognition.

This was tied in with the felt slowdown of winter. He was also ashamed of himself for the reactions, and hence did not want to go out to be seen. There has been a slowdown of subsidiary psychic activity—dream recall and out-of- bodies, which is partially cyclic. He does normally slow down in winter, which is perfectly all right, taken alone.

Now there is a connection here with mothers: some of this, though she is not present, connected with your mother. If your mother thinks Ruburt is more successful than you, then obviously she can see that Ruburt is paying for it. The same applies to those in your apartment house. Much of this stems from the young psychologist’s remark, as interpreted by Ruburt, that he was using psychic phenomena to dominate you.

As things turned out, the psychic phenomena was a way to achieve success, and because he loves you he will be sure it is not at your expense. No one will say that he is the most dominant, or accuse him of this if he so obviously needs your assistance, walks behind you. This also means that you show your devotion more obviously, gallantly offering him assistance, thus always showing the world that what he is doing has your blessing.

(“All right.” Jane sat quietly in trance, while I stretched a bit and rested my right hand. Then I told Seth I was ready to resume.)

Now. Rest or a nap in the middle of the day is the most literal and yet symbolic interpretation of a slowdown. Here on awakening he was confronted with the intuitive knowledge of what he had done, not only since the tour but to varying degrees before it. For to carry the idea through, he would have to stop completely.

You cannot try to go and stop at the same time, to be driven to achieve and not achieve, without some consequences. Earlier he felt the stronger apathy that so frightened him, at the height, or depths, of the depression, that being partially probed at the time if you recall. The idea of napping evocatively brings it to mind in less severe form, so that a nap was not a creative refreshing time, but a cop-out. That is, to his way of thinking.

It came out while you were becoming sick. Your mood was very poor, and he felt that you were angry and resentful at him because of its publication. You were not yet in the throes of your illness, and he felt that this represented the last straw to you—that it was not that good a book, not art as you thought your paintings to be, and yet it was published.

You were angry and resentful. Part of this was a projection of other problems however, rather than specifically your attitude toward the book. Your attitude however was very negative. It shocked, frightened him, and made him think that perhaps his success could separate you. He knew the book was not art also, and felt guilty.

In class sessions he does not feel this. You have always in the past (underlined) spoken of discipline. He was afraid that you would resent his success in something that seemed too spontaneous.

(11:07. There was a little more here, spoken at a fast pace, to the effect that Seth wanted us to get the recorder fixed so that we could have a session without my taking notes for a change. Seth suggested that Jane or Sue Watkins could transcribe the notes, etc., while I commented that it would be quite a job, etc.)