“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In the past this was done completely at an unconscious level, with no conscious knowledge. He took no responsibility for his image. Since childhood, he expected later life to make up for any privations suffered earlier. Books were to bring instant success. The taste of limited success whetted his appetite during your tour. On the other hand he was afraid of it for the reasons given earlier, having to do with yourself.

He is very worried that you will not find success, recognition that is, or money of a large nature, and does not feel that he should if you do not. In a chaotic world of twisted reasoning he thinks his symptoms will take your mind off your own problems, and relieve you to some extent. He is hurt when people do not buy your paintings off the walls, and angry at anyone who mentions liking a painting without offering to buy it.

Now there is a connection here with mothers: some of this, though she is not present, connected with your mother. If your mother thinks Ruburt is more successful than you, then obviously she can see that Ruburt is paying for it. The same applies to those in your apartment house. Much of this stems from the young psychologist’s remark, as interpreted by Ruburt, that he was using psychic phenomena to dominate you.

As things turned out, the psychic phenomena was a way to achieve success, and because he loves you he will be sure it is not at your expense. No one will say that he is the most dominant, or accuse him of this if he so obviously needs your assistance, walks behind you. This also means that you show your devotion more obviously, gallantly offering him assistance, thus always showing the world that what he is doing has your blessing.

A side point here, but with some reference: his mother always told him that he would destroy those he loved, and he feared that any success of his might show you up if you had not achieved your own. Give us time. (Pause.)

Actual continued success on the other hand would have been a definite experience that you could have met together, say then another tour. He could have been reassured by your reactions. The slowdown however gave him ambiguous feelings, lest success on his part meant further time from your own painting, which you would resent; so that in that respect continued success at tours would be at the expense of your valued painting time.

Now he felt that Rebellers, representing his first book success, helped bring about your illness, and this feeling alone is responsible for much of this.

You were angry and resentful. Part of this was a projection of other problems however, rather than specifically your attitude toward the book. Your attitude however was very negative. It shocked, frightened him, and made him think that perhaps his success could separate you. He knew the book was not art also, and felt guilty.

One small note. This also has to do in our own private sessions, with Ruburt’s slowness and difficulty getting out of the chair—to show you that he is paying for the success of the sessions.

In class sessions he does not feel this. You have always in the past (underlined) spoken of discipline. He was afraid that you would resent his success in something that seemed too spontaneous.