“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

These ambiguous feelings on both of your parts have much to do with the penis reaction. It does not dare shoot a straight line. (Half humorously.) At the same time that these sexual feelings operated, the two of you have an extremely powerful psychic bond, and a hidden but definite sense of inner identity.

In both of you, your feelings toward work and children then are closely connected. Ruburt at that time tried to comfort you as a woman, through caresses, and offering frequent sexual comfort. You repulsed him then, feeling that this would only add to the problem, and he began then to build up this feeling of physical divorce.

Symbolically you also compared that spontaneous flow with semen, creative abilities, and were jealous of it getting away from you. Ruburt was aware of this on one level. He also felt that this was the main reason why you had nothing to do with class, refused even once to attend it. You felt it was depriving you, not only of, say, a private session if Ruburt did not hold the following regular one; you also felt that the sexual activity you were not getting from Ruburt was being channeled instead psychically where you were getting no benefit. To use this energy in private sessions was all right because it was a joint performance, a private one, and you both directly benefited.

Ruburt would be, and is, susceptible to advances made on your part in the kitchen—the woman’s area; also in the living room, which is fairly neutral to both of you; or in his working place, for he has always been aware of the connection there. The bedroom has been an alarm area for both of you sexually, for the reasons made obvious, I should hope, and your studio has definitely been an alarm area on your part.

On one level Ruburt grossly misinterpreted your reaction here; since he was susceptible and knew it in his work area, he erroneously supposed you would be. The fact is that Ruburt, working, attracts you sexually, and you working attract Ruburt sexually. You however, being the male breadwinner as well as artist, feel most threatened by sex when you are working, because pregnancy could threaten the artist. So your attitudes in that regard, and reactions, will be mixed but usually adverse.

Now. Before I close a note: in your combined backgrounds you nicely chose situations in which parents did not have ordinary sexual relationships. Yours did not sleep together for years, and you are quite familiar with that pattern. You could have very nicely decided upon separate bedrooms or beds—it would fit in with your family background, and also with the situation. This is one peril that you did avoid, for it would have allowed you to go even further along the noncontact lines.

There were not even two sexes in Ruburt’s early household. Neither of you then had ordinary sexual family patterns that you would seek to emulate, or that would be deeply ingrained—all in line with what you had chosen.