“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

These simple things you know but often overlook. They are forged together. There is a built-in area of adjustment. When you approach either end of this area, automatic danger signals go off, telling you to move in one direction or the other, back to the symbolic center of your energy and abilities.

In the physical life this seeks physical methods of expression. Ruburt has strong seemingly contrasting personality characteristics, but seen in the light of the personality’s whole purpose, they are not contrasting but complementary, each one woven with the other toward the main goals. The same applies to yourself.

The sense of loyalty was anchored in you, and you both decided upon it before this existence. Therefore you may sense in Ruburt at times confusing inclinations toward high independence in one area, and a self-denying dependence in another. Because he is presently a woman he will react strongly and aggressively if he feels you are drawing too far apart, for this would threaten your life and goals as much as children would—children in your minds being coming too close together. So you have been constantly between the two poles.

He did it precisely for that reason, although he was not consciously aware that he was trying to bring the problem out into the open. You distrusted spontaneous relations most of all, for those were the ones most likely (laugh) to produce the feared results. Therefore when you had relations you nicely and symbolically, with beautiful unconscious irony, made sure that they happened when you wanted them least, either on a scheduled basis or when one or you was tired, or when there was every good possibility to believe that you might be interrupted.

Now. When you were working full time some years ago at Artistic your fears that Ruburt would become pregnant became an obsession. You were already breaking one of your directives, you see, in working full time at other pursuits, and so you became twice as frightened that you would fall into the world’s familiar mold, have children in which case the job would become indispensable.

Now when he felt that physical divorce you made various attempts to come closer, and you have made strides since obviously the symptoms have lessened. But one or the other of you would become frightened for the reasons given, and lately Ruburt felt an emotional separation might occur, and was occurring. Here again the threat to the prime directives, for he feels, and so do you, your work and the sessions quake when your relationship goes toward either extreme.

Symbolically you also compared that spontaneous flow with semen, creative abilities, and were jealous of it getting away from you. Ruburt was aware of this on one level. He also felt that this was the main reason why you had nothing to do with class, refused even once to attend it. You felt it was depriving you, not only of, say, a private session if Ruburt did not hold the following regular one; you also felt that the sexual activity you were not getting from Ruburt was being channeled instead psychically where you were getting no benefit. To use this energy in private sessions was all right because it was a joint performance, a private one, and you both directly benefited.

He has been much more comfortable when he is alone in the mornings and you are at work, because he feels you do not see him at his worst. This is one of the main reasons why he seems to have such great difficulty in getting up in the mornings during the week; where at least he felt he could arise with some dignity alone, and if he was a mess you would not be there to reprove him.

The spontaneity of action as a result however was extremely difficult. The energy has been blocked. You saw it briefly in his fit of anger. Because of your past-life connections—and I will see to it that you get this material—he chose to put all his eggs in one basket, so to speak, as you did. But he also chose to divest himself of any distracting family references in later life, as far as his own parents were concerned.

Your relationship exists strongly and validly on many more levels than those between the majority of marriages. You therefore have of course more aspects both for fulfillment and strain to develop. Your work lives are far more intertwined than even you realize, and that is why you cannot isolate one area in your case from another area of activity. This is extremely important, and often overlooked while superficially recognized.

On one level Ruburt grossly misinterpreted your reaction here; since he was susceptible and knew it in his work area, he erroneously supposed you would be. The fact is that Ruburt, working, attracts you sexually, and you working attract Ruburt sexually. You however, being the male breadwinner as well as artist, feel most threatened by sex when you are working, because pregnancy could threaten the artist. So your attitudes in that regard, and reactions, will be mixed but usually adverse.

Now. Before I close a note: in your combined backgrounds you nicely chose situations in which parents did not have ordinary sexual relationships. Yours did not sleep together for years, and you are quite familiar with that pattern. You could have very nicely decided upon separate bedrooms or beds—it would fit in with your family background, and also with the situation. This is one peril that you did avoid, for it would have allowed you to go even further along the noncontact lines.

(11:25. Jane’s trance had been deep throughout the session, her pace for the most part quite fast. I thought it one of the best sessions she has given. It’s certain to prove invaluable to us in daily living. Jane hasn’t seen it yet as I write these notes. I want to go over it with her, then keep it available for frequent reference.)