“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The sense of loyalty was anchored in you, and you both decided upon it before this existence. Therefore you may sense in Ruburt at times confusing inclinations toward high independence in one area, and a self-denying dependence in another. Because he is presently a woman he will react strongly and aggressively if he feels you are drawing too far apart, for this would threaten your life and goals as much as children would—children in your minds being coming too close together. So you have been constantly between the two poles.

You feel threatened if you get too far apart or if you come too close together physically. Now knowing this and seeing it clearly in words, you can I am sure make adjustments so that you do not go to those extremes.

Now. For those reasons you felt most threatened when Ruburt broke in upon your painting time for intimate relations in the past. This symbolically highlighted the whole affair, and brought it too close to consciousness for either of your comforts.

Now you feel more actively threatened when the two of you reach the opposite end of closeness and contact, where you feel that despite all your precautions pregnancy might result. You withdraw emotionally, and it is at this point that Ruburt then begins his reactions. Precisely at the point where he feels pressed enough to practically and symbolically invade your working studio with intimacy in mind, and spontaneous intimacy at that—that is the point that you quickly begin an emotional and physical retreat.

The secrecy also enables him to retreat in anger from you to some extent under the conditions mentioned earlier, and also has much to do with all of this brooding in secret. When he feels closed off from you it is then that he keeps important matters to himself. Because he is talkative this escapes your notice, but he often uses talk as a shield.

In both of you, your feelings toward work and children then are closely connected. Ruburt at that time tried to comfort you as a woman, through caresses, and offering frequent sexual comfort. You repulsed him then, feeling that this would only add to the problem, and he began then to build up this feeling of physical divorce.

I will tell you another of his secrets. In the past, though he knew that he exaggerated, when his legs were bothering him he automatically looked for the nearest available parking place when you were driving. He would never ask you to park close to your destination. He felt it a sign of weakness on his part to even think of it, yet he also felt that on occasion you showed an annoying lack of sympathy or understanding, and at his worst moments he would feel that you purposely chose a place further away—that it was for his own good, you thought, that he face the humiliation in realizing in what poor condition he was. This would automatically cause all kinds of symptoms, needless to say.

He relates warmly to others, but he relates deeply only to you. His nature is strongly emotional, so he becomes more panicky than you when you approach, again, the far side of your safe-contact line, where you become panicky when you reach the close side of the same line.

Now. Before I close a note: in your combined backgrounds you nicely chose situations in which parents did not have ordinary sexual relationships. Yours did not sleep together for years, and you are quite familiar with that pattern. You could have very nicely decided upon separate bedrooms or beds—it would fit in with your family background, and also with the situation. This is one peril that you did avoid, for it would have allowed you to go even further along the noncontact lines.

Now I will close. These are important points however. If you have questions I will answer them. I thought your hands would be quite tired by now.