“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

One of the reasons why he did not understand that the spontaneous intuitive self was the deeply creative and therefore deeply stable self, was that he identified it with his idea of femininity as he unfortunately misunderstood it. It was therefore second best, undependable, and could lead to byways that were not respectable. He never equated money with respectability or prestige. As a youngster he had no family background or money, and his need to be looked up to and held in esteem could not wait.

He could not deny the intuitive self, so it became the self who wrote poetry. In his environment this however was an intellectual thing to do. The feminine image meant instability, intuitions that could lead into unrespectable by-ways, and emotions that were not intellectually restrained.

You, being a male, he felt, would be most alarmed at any undue emotionalisms. This aside from your own reaction to your mother’s emotionalism. So there was a good division set up between his intellectual-respectable-to-him masculine aspects, and his intuitive, feminine, private aspects.

The psychic work meant that these would be united. There was strain, as could have been expected. Intuitively and as a woman he would naturally have longer hair, wear earrings and jangly jewelry, which fits the inner feminine image, and also the inner mystical, psychic image of the seeress, the prophetess, and in your own relationship, the mistress.

Now to some extent when that began, you acquiesced. For while you were adventurous, you also to some extent feared the spontaneous nature that was so a part of your wife, in those terms. A small somewhat amusing note: whenever, throughout your marriage, you commented adversely when Ruburt was about to throw a scarf about his neck, or perhaps wear an extra chain with others, he interpreted this, and quite correctly, as a hint of caution on your part that he was giving too much prevalence to the feminine love of ornamentation.

He was afraid that as once he felt he dragged you all over the country, you would fear that he was now dragging you all over the inner universe. The symptoms have therefore been an attempt to equalize an inner situation. Now, they have grown less as he understood the inner situation.

The male characteristics he always thought of as stabilizing. The intellect and the tailored clothes went together. The quick motions were always associated with inner intuitive feminine abilities. The symptoms have in part been meant to reassure you that you need not be afraid that he would be driven by his impulses. In the beginning of the psychic work you were concerned at spontaneous sessions, and while you were highly intrigued by the developments. There was one situation in particular that frightened you both—the time that Ruburt ended up on the floor when he picked up the information from your neighbor, Barbara.

You gave him quite a lecture, but it was nothing like the lecture he gave himself, and it rearoused old fears of giving in spontaneously to impressions or psychic data. He considered this dangerous. He began to watch out that such episodes would nor reoccur, and this was reflected in muscular tenseness.

The tests with Instream, and your own, precipitated a situation in which his intellect was constantly checking his intuitive information. Because of his own background this precipitated a situation in which one portion of the self was constantly scrutinizing another portion with a jaundiced eye.

(10:00. Jane remained quietly in trance to some extent, even though she moved about. She had given the above material at a fast pace, almost without pause. My writing hand was tired. Resume at 10:05.)

Now. Without the psychic development, your combined background could have quite undermined your creative abilities entirely. This was a chance you took, both of you, when you set up this last reincarnational existence.

To some extent illness has been used by you both in a constructive manner. On your part (RFB) initially as a very definite warning that you were not to put your full energies into a job. Pressure from your parents could have precipitated such an arrangement. Your illness was then used by Ruburt to bring to the surface of his mind deeply-rooted fears that had been festering beneath. Your illness served this purpose for you also. This further led to a recognition of the basic uselessness of many of the ideas upon which your existences had been based, and upon which your society was based. This triggered the need to find newer answers and to probe into other dimensions.

Now all of this is highly important. To some extent it was inevitable, considering your backgrounds. The feminine aspects in any case, culturally speaking, were being denied since you did not want children. Reincarnationally this you set ahead of time. If the psychic developments that represented your greatest fulfillment, with all their ramifications in your art and life, had not occurred, then you would have had two children, and continued a reincarnational cycle. There are other aspects here, in that in your last reincarnational life you had somewhat greater freedom within the sexual framework. You can come closer to the ideal identity that gives greater rein within one individual to both male and female characteristics.

In your mind making money is a male characteristic, and subconsciously a male prerogative. The fact that you painted and it did not seem to bring you money served further to make you distrust these creative abilities. You identified them to some extent with your mother, the first female of course in your background. She was unpredictable, and so you felt you could not depend upon your art, nor count upon it as a man. (Much louder.)

Now commercial work and the comics meant something else again. It was not fine art but directed outward in obvious fashions in an aggressive sort of thrust, with a particular market in mind, and therefore to you had a masculine quality. You were perfectly free to support yourself in your early years in that way, and your energy was released because in that regard you felt free to use it. When the natural freely creative energies were aroused in you, you instantly dispensed with all ideas of a commercial market, and completely divorced the idea of painting from selling for the reasons given.

The fallacy that neither of you recognized was that the creative, symbolically feminine portions of the self were not unpredictable, given to overemotionalism. They are instead the secure, propelling, and only dependable fountainheads of existence.

In your relationship as a couple then you set up a framework in which freedoms allowed to one were compensated until certain adjustments were made. The creative aspects were given so much leeway, until out of fear one of you applied restraints of a restrictive nature. The painting to you had such strongly feminine connotations that subconsciously you felt your studio was like a womb, out of which the paintings were produced. You felt that this had some (underlined) terrifying implications, many of them threatening your sense of masculinity since, because of your misconceptions you were convinced ahead of time that they would never be used as a means of livelihood.

In withholding his periods he also felt he lessened the pressure upon you, for he gave up the biological badge of femininity, and was saying “You will never have to have a full-time job to support a child.” He knew full well that you didn’t feel you would ever make a living as a fine artist.

(I pointed to a painting I had just finished, of a male looking up and to my left. It had a strong appeal for me, and was almost a monochrome, done in blues and greens. I felt it had some sort of reincarnational meaning for me, but hadn’t yet got around to using the pendulum to see what I could find out on my own.

(In trance, Jane pointed to the new painting.) The picture is of a man, or rather of a woman who lived in Constantinople in the 14th century. A mystic of some renown who was well-known for looking into the future.

(I shook my head no. Actually I had several about the new painting, but my writing hand was so cramped I felt I wouldn’t be able to continue using it much longer.)

(Actually, I already regarded this as a breakthrough session, in personal terms probably the best Jane has given, etc. End at 11:07. Jane was in as deep a trance as I have seen her. It took her many minutes to come out of it. In the beginning she could not open her eyes for more than a moment at a time, etc. And throughout, the fast pace was maintained.)