“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now to some extent when that began, you acquiesced. For while you were adventurous, you also to some extent feared the spontaneous nature that was so a part of your wife, in those terms. A small somewhat amusing note: whenever, throughout your marriage, you commented adversely when Ruburt was about to throw a scarf about his neck, or perhaps wear an extra chain with others, he interpreted this, and quite correctly, as a hint of caution on your part that he was giving too much prevalence to the feminine love of ornamentation.

He was afraid that as once he felt he dragged you all over the country, you would fear that he was now dragging you all over the inner universe. The symptoms have therefore been an attempt to equalize an inner situation. Now, they have grown less as he understood the inner situation.

You gave him quite a lecture, but it was nothing like the lecture he gave himself, and it rearoused old fears of giving in spontaneously to impressions or psychic data. He considered this dangerous. He began to watch out that such episodes would nor reoccur, and this was reflected in muscular tenseness.

To some extent illness has been used by you both in a constructive manner. On your part (RFB) initially as a very definite warning that you were not to put your full energies into a job. Pressure from your parents could have precipitated such an arrangement. Your illness was then used by Ruburt to bring to the surface of his mind deeply-rooted fears that had been festering beneath. Your illness served this purpose for you also. This further led to a recognition of the basic uselessness of many of the ideas upon which your existences had been based, and upon which your society was based. This triggered the need to find newer answers and to probe into other dimensions.

In your relationship as a couple then you set up a framework in which freedoms allowed to one were compensated until certain adjustments were made. The creative aspects were given so much leeway, until out of fear one of you applied restraints of a restrictive nature. The painting to you had such strongly feminine connotations that subconsciously you felt your studio was like a womb, out of which the paintings were produced. You felt that this had some (underlined) terrifying implications, many of them threatening your sense of masculinity since, because of your misconceptions you were convinced ahead of time that they would never be used as a means of livelihood.