“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now in your discussion you released some emotions, and this is beneficial, but you have not discussed such problems together in some time. You feared upsetting Ruburt, and Ruburt would immediately insert desperately positive statements out of a panic to find that you were so disturbed, and this would anger you.

When you can into longer accept it then you must change it. Otherwise the feeling of hopelessness builds up. Ruburt has been afraid, because of his background, to accept the negative aspects of your exterior circumstances. He loves you so deeply that he never wants to admit that you are hurt, bitter or sad. He has always thought that you were used, mainly by your mother, but he was afraid that his statements would be misinterpreted because of his own relationship with his parents.

You would not have left your parents so far behind at that time, he felt, except on his behalf. He felt also that you chastised him and held it against him bitterly. He has therefore never pushed you really to make a change since that time, and has pushed such ideas away from him, although he feels that the longer you stay at Artistic the more unhappy you will be; and there is also in him, and in you, a fear of making a move in physical terms. You are afraid of the consequences.

All of the material given concerning Ruburt’s background and motives is highly legitimate, but it shows clearly why he was willing to take on this role. He thought it would free you. In late months he has seen that it has not.

He would do literally anything to see you relieved and happy, and working productively. He thought, or felt, that by taking on the symptoms of your joint problem, he could free you creatively, and was bewildered when it did not.

When you do move you have a tendency to feel that Ruburt should pay for the inconvenience. Here you associate him with your mother, and Ruburt feels this unfair. Except for our sessions there has been little freshness in your environments because you would find it, both of you now, threatening. In other words you have preferred to place the problem, both of you again, upon Ruburt in physical terms, rather than face the inner issues with initiative and daring.

Your attitudes are entirely wrong, and causing much of the difficulty. Properly applied, the book Ruburt’s student brought from New York could be invaluable to you, and I mean invaluable. It does not mean that it would relieve you of personal responsibility, however.

Now. One note. You both felt that since you were the one who had the part-time job, Ruburt would accept the physical symptoms of your predicament, and you felt this was just.

One note. You would both do better nearer water.