“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

However Ruburt has also picked up your feeling of hopelessness. Both of you have refused to come to grips with it and have been afraid of making any physical moves, or upsetting the apple cart. Ruburt is only too aware of the fact that he pushed to leave Sayre, and that your circumstances afterward in Florida were negative. He felt you blamed him for this, and thought it was an undisciplined action on his part, forcing you to make changes you did not want to make.

You would not have left your parents so far behind at that time, he felt, except on his behalf. He felt also that you chastised him and held it against him bitterly. He has therefore never pushed you really to make a change since that time, and has pushed such ideas away from him, although he feels that the longer you stay at Artistic the more unhappy you will be; and there is also in him, and in you, a fear of making a move in physical terms. You are afraid of the consequences.

He would do literally anything to see you relieved and happy, and working productively. He thought, or felt, that by taking on the symptoms of your joint problem, he could free you creatively, and was bewildered when it did not.

Now you both thought that Ruburt’s symptoms were a solution. You thought they bought you time. This has been a cooperative effort. You felt your physical problems insurmountable, that you had not the energy to face them. Ruburt’s symptoms you thought gave you both time. You had moved so often in the past you were afraid of making a false move, and so you chose to make no move at all. You became afraid of challenge.

Now. One note. You both felt that since you were the one who had the part-time job, Ruburt would accept the physical symptoms of your predicament, and you felt this was just.

You did because you felt that you were facing physical reality to that extent, and he was not. And he did for the same reason.