“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Many of the points you have made to Ruburt lately have been well taken, and were more important than you realized. To you they seemed rather obvious, and trivial, almost. Now Ruburt’s ego had been hit over the head, so to speak, so many times in his childhood that it became very sensitive, developing a rigidity out of self-protection.

It was afraid that psychic endeavor would leave it open for further scorn, and it would not for a while allow ordinary motion, until it was somewhat assured that it would not meet with contempt for its efforts. It was particularly afraid of ridicule, rather say than of hatred. (Long pause.) The affair with the school psychologist, and the class here, infuriated him, and he hid his reaction. The school was the college again, you see, and the academic community that had already rejected him as a student in the past. For a while he should have nothing to do with the college.

He should also, for personal reasons, stay away from the monastery. The monks coming to the house subconsciously rearoused old fears and resentments. This does not mean he is not rising above them, for he is. It does mean that until he is in control of his organism such episodes are not helpful.

Many of the elements of his religious background have been creatively used and built upon, and this involves the complete transformation of potent, unconscious material, from potentially destructive to creative centers.

It was no coincidence however that Ruburt’s Father Trayner read him poetry, inspired Ruburt’s love of poetry, and that Ruburt would feel that he had to use poetry to express ideas with which his mentor did not agree.

The psychic influence of the other priests was far more creative than he realizes, and it was always in the realm of ideas that he rebelled against authority. That is important. He did not leave the church, literally, until long after he had left it spiritually. Yet all of his religious background gave him an immersion in a strong organized religion. Inside that framework he learned what was wrong with it, and from his experiences was born the strong inner, barely conscious, desire to help his fellow beings emerge into some kind of lucidity. There were strong pressures operating. All that remains is for him to realize that he is indeed now on the right track. Do you want to rest your fingers?

Now. When he is requested to speak as an authority, as at his next engagement, this is something different.

He felt that the professor was bringing his students to show them he was a fraud. His sense of duty was actually a coverup. He knew he did not want the people here, and thought he was a coward. Now give us time.

He wants to help others. On the positive side this leads into new frontiers, and it expands and develops his abilities. It is a basis for his ethical and intuitive achievements. On the negative side he can go overboard, fearing to cause another the slightest hurt, and hurting himself instead.

You may. Give us a moment. (Pause.) The religious area is tricky, because it contains high potentials for his development, and also sore points, you see. If he is asked to speak out of sincere desire, he can do his best. If he feels he is on trial in the religious area, then this has negative connotations.

I am trying to get at more material here. When (underlined) you can manage a trip it will be advantageous because of the literal bent his mind often takes. To him a change of environment is a change of mind. (Smile.)

There is more here. See if we can get at it. (Pause.) When he feels he has stumbled he does not walk right. When he cannot look to the right or the left it is because he is afraid to. (Very rapidly.) When his ankle bothers him it is because he fears he might fly off in the wrong direction. When his fingers are full it is because of accumulated bitterness, unspoken. When his periods are late he is “holding out” in quotes until he is certain of his direction.

Now all of this serves to impede constructive and creative spontaneity, and when this does find its way though, it is in such an explosive manner that he fears it because it seems undisciplined. If he lets go creatively he fears his aggressions will also be expressed spontaneously. But spontaneously released aggressions are not only natural but beneficial.

When Ruburt finds himself concentrating upon his symptoms, then let it be a sign that normal aggressions are not being recognized, that he is afraid of hurting someone else, and that this is blocking his normal enjoyment of daily activities.

I explained earlier his exaggerated notion of aggression and also the reasons behind it. The smallest aggressive jerking of his mother’s bed could cause her pain, you see. Tremendous self-control was exerted. Do you follow me?

This caused him to withhold his strength under such circumstances. Those who felt it were obviously hurt out of all proportion. Now he did not realize this completely earlier, and this should help. It is more important than I can say.

You can help lead him to an understanding of the fact that life is far more vigorous than he realizes. It will also help to point out that he has positively used many of these elements creatively. He must not project an exaggerated idea of the power of aggression. At some time or another almost every child wishes that his parent or parents were dead, and the parents manage to survive quite well, until they are quite ready to leave your sphere of activity.