“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

James. He was James Talbert. You were his niece. Matilda Montage. You were from a side of the family with French connections and at that time flighty, easily upset, with some ability as a musician in piano, but without the discipline or drive to use the ability,

He was taking you to a concert. I do not know now, or see now, what initiated your reaction, but something happened that frightened you. You yelled at the horses and screamed. Your uncle fell. The horses panicked, and he fell beneath a hoof. You never forgave yourself, and now in your first reincarnation as a woman since that time, you decided to be the vehicle through which he could enter physical reality again, and so became his mother in physical terms.

You blamed yourself for financial reasons, though consciously this would be the last thing to come to your mind. You think yourself quite free of financial conditions, and as an adult now in independent terms set yourself free of your parents. But subconsciously you wondered what social environment your child would really (underlined) encounter„ and whether or not you deprived him of the social and economic benefits that you have convinced yourself, consciously, you do not need.

For various reasons, and because you did not understand, you held it against yourself that once you accidentally killed him, and then when he was a child you gave him away. You gave birth to him however when you did not have to, in order to give him this reentry. There were other entries available, but he understood your purposes, and accepted you as a mother to show you that he held no grudges. (Humorously:) There were two accidents, then.

Even the first had its psychological applications, for the uncle at that time was dissatisfied with existence and with his accomplishments, and the carelessness that helped result in his accident was also partially his own. But the fact that the conception was accidental, and the death was accidental, has its own intuitive logic.

You used to wonder what there was about her that so captivated your father, since he had an obvious preference for her, and you would watch her secretly trying to find the answer. You disliked her heartily but the fascination kept at you, so that you studied her mannerisms, and even at times tried to copy them.

You used to stand in a mirror and copy her expressions. (Pause.) She married a man whom you also have known in this existence. Your father simply preferred her because she did remind him of his wife. In a past life you had no use for women, and therefore chose an existence in which you were feminine; not only feminine but endowed with those qualities that you had particularly disliked; because you feared those qualities you therefore lived with them, and to some extent learned to understand them, though you are still left with some impatience when you see them in others.

Your sister was also fond of the uncle, and therefore was instrumental in this life in allowing him new entry; but you joined for that purpose only. The fascination was an expression of a past fascination of a different kind, though you were pleased that this time you were older.

You felt that you wanted to give a life for the one you accidentally destroyed, but it need not have been the life of the same personality, had you chosen otherwise. You also still remember that the father of your child was a woman, and your sister, and so in this life you have found the relationship ambiguous.