“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt was strongly committed to the sessions on the one hand, and highly skeptical on the other. Your own illness did literally terrify him, and he feared that if he faced his true doubts concerning my existence, that he would hurt you.

His own inner belief in the sessions was strong, and is still strong, but the other conflict continued. He misused such abilities in a past life, and this time he is having to work for them.

We will have a freer hand since Ruburt has vocalized some of his doubts. Before he was reluctant to do so as clearly as he did this evening. Had there been a strong or powerful overall threat to Ruburt, I would have discontinued the sessions. These are growing pains, that are already passing.

This is also the reason for his strong reaction concerning spiritualism. He fears overindulgence. (Pause.) He operated as a professional medium on Guinnip Street, perhaps 451 , or any sequence of those numbers.

His own mother in this life had, and has, abilities. He was frightened of her, you see, and therefore frightened of the abilities. There is a growing acceptance on the part of the whole personality now; as he sees these abilities help others, his students for example, he grows to trust them more.

It is Ruburt’s nature you see to accept heartily or to disagree heartily, to plunge headlong into, or to run from, and the psychic developments made it impossible for him to do either; or rather his reactions made wholehearted acceptance or rejection impossible. This put him in a nether land, to him highly unacceptable.

He is highly skeptical of AA, when he tries to consider him as an individual person, but is perfectly content to think of him as a force. (Pause.) It is not his early complete acceptance of the Catholic Church that is a block here. It is his disillusionment with the church that followed. For this led him to skepticism. And to a distrust of spiritual matters.

For himself he knows that he will continue, that his improvement is definite. Though the decision is his, I have never come when I was not wanted, nor would I.

He does not realize the full strength of his psychic acquiescence, you see, which is far superior to his egotistical half-denials.