“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt was strongly committed to the sessions on the one hand, and highly skeptical on the other. Your own illness did literally terrify him, and he feared that if he faced his true doubts concerning my existence, that he would hurt you.

His own inner belief in the sessions was strong, and is still strong, but the other conflict continued. He misused such abilities in a past life, and this time he is having to work for them.

We will have a freer hand since Ruburt has vocalized some of his doubts. Before he was reluctant to do so as clearly as he did this evening. Had there been a strong or powerful overall threat to Ruburt, I would have discontinued the sessions. These are growing pains, that are already passing.

Simply that this time he must work harder to accept the abilities that last time he took so for granted, and misused.

He used them indiscriminately. (Pause.) Wait now... He let them run away with him, and is doubly afraid now. He used little common sense, and was overly emotional, reading signs where there were none, and ignoring the fine intellect that he had even then.

(“Was he male or female?”)

(“Was he male or female?”)

This is also the reason for his strong reaction concerning spiritualism. He fears overindulgence. (Pause.) He operated as a professional medium on Guinnip Street, perhaps 451 , or any sequence of those numbers.

His own mother in this life had, and has, abilities. He was frightened of her, you see, and therefore frightened of the abilities. There is a growing acceptance on the part of the whole personality now; as he sees these abilities help others, his students for example, he grows to trust them more.

He was never afraid of me. He was afraid for portions of himself, for reasons having little to do with me, per se. (Pause.) The spontaneous self he was afraid of. The conscientious self becomes much more pleased as time goes on and others are helped.

Periods of belief would be followed by periods of skepticism, and the wavering nature makes it most difficult for me to give him the very assurance that he needs. This was one of the reasons for the table developments, and these will be followed by others.

He is highly skeptical of AA, when he tries to consider him as an individual person, but is perfectly content to think of him as a force. (Pause.) It is not his early complete acceptance of the Catholic Church that is a block here. It is his disillusionment with the church that followed. For this led him to skepticism. And to a distrust of spiritual matters.

You feel my presence, you see, because you allow yourself to do so. (One of the points we discussed before the session.) Ruburt feels my presence now, and during many sessions, and he knows it well. Often he simply distrusts what he feels, but the feeling is primary. The help that the sessions afforded you has been given. It has happened. It is not reversible. (Smile.) You have taken it and used it and made it a part of yourself. Ruburt need have no doubts there.

For himself he knows that he will continue, that his improvement is definite. Though the decision is his, I have never come when I was not wanted, nor would I.

He does not realize the full strength of his psychic acquiescence, you see, which is far superior to his egotistical half-denials.