“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Sunday afternoon, November 5, I devoted to a long pendulum session, concerning my attitudes as related to Jane’s symptoms; it was most beneficial and rewarding, and we were anxious to have Seth’s comments on it this evening.

(Jane’s pace was on the slow side this evening; her voice however was good, her eyes open often.)

She always had strong sexual desires. She considered these as beneath her, and wrong. She was unable to relate to her husband in this way. You were aware of her sexual energy however. It was a current between you, for she did not recognize her feelings toward you when you were a child, as sexual. Therefore she permitted herself to show more affection toward you than she did toward her husband.

She was an activist, so you tried to become the opposite. Now then: on the one hand you attempted to be virile by identifying with your father, yet he was also to you the symbol of a failure. To be a failure therefore was virile (as my pendulum told me).

( 9:27. Jane’s pace was rather slow throughout, with some long pauses. Resume at 9:47.)

(Long pause.) Ruburt has been adding to the strength of the negative influences of his past. The more he reacts to them the more thoroughly he convinces himself of their strength. His background was unfortunate. It was not as unfortunate as he supposes. Many of his most redeeming qualities and characteristics were formed by it.

His vitality was formed in that environment. The passive qualities in him would have been far more predominant, overly so, but for the adversity he faced. His mother’s colorful, emphatic and mystical characteristics gave him incentive, and generated mental and psychic activity. (Long pause.)

She was highly imaginative. At times she did not know fantasy from reality. Ruburt was literal-minded in many respects. He took her hysterical and desperate threats literally, when many children would not have done so. The background of Ruburt’s personality was unfortunate, and fortunate.

The overall self chose the background. Now. Ruburt has always been primarily driven by a desire to write successfully. His mother encouraged the writing. At the same time he felt guilty that he was free and the mother was not, and he blamed himself to some degree for her situation. The mother did blame the child in this respect.

The mother wanted success for the child, and yet Ruburt felt (pause) that success would also be resented by the mother, that the mother would be jealous of it. The mother wanted success for the daughter so that the daughter could share the fruits of the success and provide for her. While Ruburt had no money there was no fear of this.

Financial success was put off, you see. It was not to be denied but put off. (Pause.) He did not want to share it with his mother, for to Ruburt this meant having his mother live with him.

Now these feelings served to put success off. They were not strong enough to deny it entirely, and he was working through them, although this took considerable energy.

We will fill all of this in for you. If some of it seems disconnected it is simply because I want to outline the main areas to be developed. Ruburt saw himself as a writer, and not as a psychic. He knew intuitively that he was a psychic. He was also highly anxious to succeed, and knew that he was not doing so.

(Jane nodded yes. Pause, eyes closed. She held a hand up.) He was frightened then at your reaction. It was this fright that prevented him from finishing all of those projects he began, or from selling them.

You both became involved in the psychic work. He felt therefore that you would feel his success was yours also. He thought at that time that you were simply jealous of him. Your reaction to the ESP book quite literally terrified him. He then realized that you did not want either of you to be successful.

(“Was any of this conscious on his part?”)

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.

The dream book was an attempt to try again, a desperate attempt for independence on his part to succeed in spite of the negative influences. (Pause.) He felt that you rejected it as a whole, and completely. His impatience and panic did impede his judgment, causing him to send it out too early, and for this he blamed you.

The book became a sore point, and the focus in his work of the inner problem, a symbol. Finally he had to force himself to work on it, and at times he could not work on it. There was an inner refusal to make concessions. You both maintained your positions, and would not communicate.

At the crisis point you were both alienated. He was completely bewildered. He was doing what he felt you wanted him to do, yet the results displeased you, and he felt you found him physically repulsive. In desperation you both began to question inner attitudes, and you then broke the ice with a pendulum session. (See the 350th Session.)

(10:42. Jane was farther under this time, she said, kept there rather cleverly by Seth. She wanted to resist the material about her mother, at first, but then went along with it. Resume at 10:50.)

(Here Seth clears up a point in Sunday’s pendulum session, in which the pendulum told me I was not jealous of Jane, but envious of her success. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t confused on the jealousy-envy terminology; I also wondered if there was actually any difference.)

All of this can be cleared, and no blame is to be attached to anyone. This would only compound the problem, and indeed there is no blame. There was simply ignorance.

His distrust of his abilities was partially a result of the basic conflict, and if he could not trust himself how could he trust me when I spoke through him?

(11:07. Jane said she was far out again, and it took her a few moments to come out of trance. Her pace had been faster.)