“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

She always had strong sexual desires. She considered these as beneath her, and wrong. She was unable to relate to her husband in this way. You were aware of her sexual energy however. It was a current between you, for she did not recognize her feelings toward you when you were a child, as sexual. Therefore she permitted herself to show more affection toward you than she did toward her husband.

You identified with your father because he seemed free, in that she did not direct actively these strong affections toward him. To be like him then represented safety, for she did not like failures.

Any push toward success became a threat to your virility; a push from a woman became to you a double threat to your virility. You felt as if she threatened to castrate you. Ruburt has been aware of this. This is one of the main reasons that he suffers from strong feelings of disloyalty whenever he allows himself to wish that you were more successful in your work, artistically or financially.

The psychic abilities appeared precisely when he needed an extra drive toward success, and a way toward success that would not be instantly recognized as such.

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.