“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He fears that you will interpret this as a threat of castration. Because of his own background you knew that he would not push you in this respect. He has an innate talent for making money, that has not been developed nor used for these reasons; and all suggestions made by him to you have been regarded by you as threats, and he felt that the suggestions were mistakes on his part. (One minute please.)

(Long pause.) Ruburt has been adding to the strength of the negative influences of his past. The more he reacts to them the more thoroughly he convinces himself of their strength. His background was unfortunate. It was not as unfortunate as he supposes. Many of his most redeeming qualities and characteristics were formed by it.

His vitality was formed in that environment. The passive qualities in him would have been far more predominant, overly so, but for the adversity he faced. His mother’s colorful, emphatic and mystical characteristics gave him incentive, and generated mental and psychic activity. (Long pause.)

(“His personality chose this background, didn’t it?”)

The overall self chose the background. Now. Ruburt has always been primarily driven by a desire to write successfully. His mother encouraged the writing. At the same time he felt guilty that he was free and the mother was not, and he blamed himself to some degree for her situation. The mother did blame the child in this respect.

Financial success was put off, you see. It was not to be denied but put off. (Pause.) He did not want to share it with his mother, for to Ruburt this meant having his mother live with him.

These hidden feelings however made him susceptible to your own fears. He must indeed, completely, rid himself of his strong resentments at his mother. The above paragraphs should help him. He cannot resent the environment nor his parent, since he chose both. (Long pause.)

His own past fears of success were finally set aside with the acceptance of the ESP book. Not so much set aside as driven back. He saw instantly that you resented the publication of the book, as he had seen earlier that you resented the publication of The Rebellers. You resented that book very much.

You both became involved in the psychic work. He felt therefore that you would feel his success was yours also. He thought at that time that you were simply jealous of him. Your reaction to the ESP book quite literally terrified him. He then realized that you did not want either of you to be successful.

(“Was any of this conscious on his part?”)

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.

The dream book was an attempt to try again, a desperate attempt for independence on his part to succeed in spite of the negative influences. (Pause.) He felt that you rejected it as a whole, and completely. His impatience and panic did impede his judgment, causing him to send it out too early, and for this he blamed you.

The book became a sore point, and the focus in his work of the inner problem, a symbol. Finally he had to force himself to work on it, and at times he could not work on it. There was an inner refusal to make concessions. You both maintained your positions, and would not communicate.

His symptoms represented his problem. He felt literally paralyzed, and unable to move. Now he can move, but he still cannot run, you see. He moves much better. He is partially released but far from fully.

Subjectively, when you were jealous (see the 350th Session) you were actively jealous of Ruburt for being successful, and wished to strike out in retaliation. When you feel envious now, you envy his success, but you are not jealous of him as a person.

Now all of this affected our sessions. My ability to help is determined by many issues. Ruburt’s overall condition has to some extent impeded us, (pause) and because of a distrust of his own abilities he will sometimes doubt my legitimacy. Such doubts then impeding his progress and limiting what help I have to offer. (Pause.)

His distrust of his abilities was partially a result of the basic conflict, and if he could not trust himself how could he trust me when I spoke through him?