“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now. You did indeed see your father (as my pendulum told me) not as a man who failed in several important areas, but as a failure in all areas: as a husband, breadwinner, father. (Pause.) You identified with him however out of fear of your mother’s emotionalism. You did not dare identify with her.

You identified with your father because he seemed free, in that she did not direct actively these strong affections toward him. To be like him then represented safety, for she did not like failures.

He fears that you will interpret this as a threat of castration. Because of his own background you knew that he would not push you in this respect. He has an innate talent for making money, that has not been developed nor used for these reasons; and all suggestions made by him to you have been regarded by you as threats, and he felt that the suggestions were mistakes on his part. (One minute please.)

His vitality was formed in that environment. The passive qualities in him would have been far more predominant, overly so, but for the adversity he faced. His mother’s colorful, emphatic and mystical characteristics gave him incentive, and generated mental and psychic activity. (Long pause.)

Financial success was put off, you see. It was not to be denied but put off. (Pause.) He did not want to share it with his mother, for to Ruburt this meant having his mother live with him.

These hidden feelings however made him susceptible to your own fears. He must indeed, completely, rid himself of his strong resentments at his mother. The above paragraphs should help him. He cannot resent the environment nor his parent, since he chose both. (Long pause.)

(Jane nodded yes. Pause, eyes closed. She held a hand up.) He was frightened then at your reaction. It was this fright that prevented him from finishing all of those projects he began, or from selling them.

You both became involved in the psychic work. He felt therefore that you would feel his success was yours also. He thought at that time that you were simply jealous of him. Your reaction to the ESP book quite literally terrified him. He then realized that you did not want either of you to be successful.

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.

The dream book was an attempt to try again, a desperate attempt for independence on his part to succeed in spite of the negative influences. (Pause.) He felt that you rejected it as a whole, and completely. His impatience and panic did impede his judgment, causing him to send it out too early, and for this he blamed you.

At the crisis point you were both alienated. He was completely bewildered. He was doing what he felt you wanted him to do, yet the results displeased you, and he felt you found him physically repulsive. In desperation you both began to question inner attitudes, and you then broke the ice with a pendulum session. (See the 350th Session.)

Subjectively, when you were jealous (see the 350th Session) you were actively jealous of Ruburt for being successful, and wished to strike out in retaliation. When you feel envious now, you envy his success, but you are not jealous of him as a person.

His distrust of his abilities was partially a result of the basic conflict, and if he could not trust himself how could he trust me when I spoke through him?