“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now. You did indeed see your father (as my pendulum told me) not as a man who failed in several important areas, but as a failure in all areas: as a husband, breadwinner, father. (Pause.) You identified with him however out of fear of your mother’s emotionalism. You did not dare identify with her.

Here are some general points, but I will fill these in and add to them at our next session.

His vitality was formed in that environment. The passive qualities in him would have been far more predominant, overly so, but for the adversity he faced. His mother’s colorful, emphatic and mystical characteristics gave him incentive, and generated mental and psychic activity. (Long pause.)

Financial success was put off, you see. It was not to be denied but put off. (Pause.) He did not want to share it with his mother, for to Ruburt this meant having his mother live with him.

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.

His symptoms represented his problem. He felt literally paralyzed, and unable to move. Now he can move, but he still cannot run, you see. He moves much better. He is partially released but far from fully.

(10:42. Jane was farther under this time, she said, kept there rather cleverly by Seth. She wanted to resist the material about her mother, at first, but then went along with it. Resume at 10:50.)

Subjectively, when you were jealous (see the 350th Session) you were actively jealous of Ruburt for being successful, and wished to strike out in retaliation. When you feel envious now, you envy his success, but you are not jealous of him as a person.

(Here Seth clears up a point in Sunday’s pendulum session, in which the pendulum told me I was not jealous of Jane, but envious of her success. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t confused on the jealousy-envy terminology; I also wondered if there was actually any difference.)

(I now remembered father’s caps, once Seth mentioned them. But I felt somewhat in a dilemma, since father also wears regular hats.)