“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Your own symptom, the hand, representing uncertainty in your work. You felt a shaky foundation. You felt that your talent was giving you but a shaky foundation or basis within economic and social realities.

To paint paintings for joy was an act of defiance against your mother, and so you have punished yourself in several ways; by being overly concerned with their quality, insisting upon perfection, and by not making strong efforts to sell them or to work for recognition in that field.

Had you continued engrossed entirely in the commercial field your painting would not have developed. Your father would not have worked as a photographer. You could have become all but sexually your mother’s husband. This was avoided.

Not allowing yourself to make money through paintings also allowed you to punish yourself for what you considered this act of defiance. Two purposes in the main were served. This also affected your work itself to some degree, in that you sometimes inserted qualities in the paintings to hold people off, a remoteness.

Commercial work also still rankles. Beside other considerations you feel, subconsciously again, that you still serve your mother’s purposes: art for money, and that therefore your initial act of defiance and independence is not complete.

Working as you have also rouses associations with your father. (Long pause, eyes closed.)

You therefore believed all emotionalism to be of this nature. Ruburt was of great benefit to you here. In the beginning feeling and emotion sparked or initiated your paintings, but you worked it out of them to some considerable degree, not trusting it, and therefore not trusting the particular painting. So you did not feel justified in accepting money or payment for it.

(“Well, what do you think of these temperas I’ve been working on then?”)