“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

It was somewhat overdeveloped in function because of early experience. It can be placid, peace-giving and very agreeable when it does not feel crossed. Because of its distorted ideas it was roused into a frenzy. It is now withdrawing to a more normal position.

It is more than reassured now. It is somewhat astonished to discover that the spontaneous self is no enemy, but a friend and ally. Already it has released energy for the use of the personality. The energy was bottled up in symptoms.

For Venice, a small note: I believe AA was indeed a family friend when she was very young in this existence.

Your own symptom, the hand, representing uncertainty in your work. You felt a shaky foundation. You felt that your talent was giving you but a shaky foundation or basis within economic and social realities.

Anger that your art did not bring you more money. You felt that if your hand were surer you would be better recompensed. You were angry at your talent, wishing it were one that was more quickly recognized in financial terms in your society.

(“Yes.” Jane’s delivery was emphatic, her eyes open.)

To paint paintings for joy was an act of defiance against your mother, and so you have punished yourself in several ways; by being overly concerned with their quality, insisting upon perfection, and by not making strong efforts to sell them or to work for recognition in that field.

Had you continued engrossed entirely in the commercial field your painting would not have developed. Your father would not have worked as a photographer. You could have become all but sexually your mother’s husband. This was avoided.

(Long pause, eyes closed.) This session itself should aid your understanding enough to allow some improvement almost immediately in the condition itself. Two issues are involved. The painting was an act of defiance against your mother, an act of independence. She approved of the commercial art because it made money. Therefore if you made money through your paintings, then subconsciously you thought that your mother would still be getting her way. You see?

(“Yes.” Again, Jane was very emphatic.)

Now all of this operates at varying degrees, you see. The symptom was the recognition of conflict. (Pause.) Rest your hand a moment.

(10:04. Jane said she had been well dissociated. I thought that perhaps Seth asked about an end to the session because Jane was blocking material about me she thought I might not like to hear. We now had a discussion about my motives in painting; I hoped it would release any blocks Jane might have set up. Seth then broke in at 10:15.)

You made large attempts to close yourself off from deep emotion, in reaction against your mother’s emotionalism, and largely because you felt emotionalism was false. With her, emotionalism was often an excuse.

You therefore believed all emotionalism to be of this nature. Ruburt was of great benefit to you here. In the beginning feeling and emotion sparked or initiated your paintings, but you worked it out of them to some considerable degree, not trusting it, and therefore not trusting the particular painting. So you did not feel justified in accepting money or payment for it.

(After a long pause Jane came out of trance at 10:28. She said she had been much farther out than usual, and believed this was due to tonight’s material; she was afraid of hurting me. For this reason my questions and comments bothered her, she said. We discussed my abstract paintings briefly, speculating on the reasons people were attracted to them, and Seth came through briefly at 10:30.)