“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The attitude itself helps cause that reality, to which you then react. When you were attempting to take your father’s place, you used your talent as your mother wanted you to. She had no use for your father’s talent of inventiveness, because he did not use it to make money.

You were a commercial artist to make your mother happy, and to take your father’s place as breadwinner.

To paint paintings for joy was an act of defiance against your mother, and so you have punished yourself in several ways; by being overly concerned with their quality, insisting upon perfection, and by not making strong efforts to sell them or to work for recognition in that field.

Had you continued engrossed entirely in the commercial field your painting would not have developed. Your father would not have worked as a photographer. You could have become all but sexually your mother’s husband. This was avoided.

(Long pause, eyes closed.) This session itself should aid your understanding enough to allow some improvement almost immediately in the condition itself. Two issues are involved. The painting was an act of defiance against your mother, an act of independence. She approved of the commercial art because it made money. Therefore if you made money through your paintings, then subconsciously you thought that your mother would still be getting her way. You see?

Commercial work also still rankles. Beside other considerations you feel, subconsciously again, that you still serve your mother’s purposes: art for money, and that therefore your initial act of defiance and independence is not complete.

You made large attempts to close yourself off from deep emotion, in reaction against your mother’s emotionalism, and largely because you felt emotionalism was false. With her, emotionalism was often an excuse.