“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The overly conscientious self is also deeply emotional, though in Ruburt it often hides under the guise of intellectualism. In one way the spontaneous self used the church as long as it could, as an outlet for its own rich emotional extension. The overly conscientious self fears to use the word of God, or the word God. Ruburt thinks this is because he is afraid of being made to feel a fool. In actuality the overly conscientious self has not been educated, and is deeply terrified that Ruburt is taking false gods.

It wants to know, and it resents the fact that it has been so left in the dark. It is the authoritative part of Ruburt that often takes charge even in psychic matters, and highly relevant. It has been reached. The fact that he has worked without reprisal on his dream book shows this.

He denied himself release in the sex act. The overly conscientious self tried to call a halt to pleasure until the issue was settled. The spontaneous self fought back bitterly. Both sides brought to bear emotional issues from the past that served to illustrate or strengthen their own position, so that Ruburt was pulled willy-nilly.

Aspects from the past were grossly exaggerated, and any normal sensitivity highly intensified by one portion of the personality or the other. Little surprise that he became relatively immobile. The supra-conscious self tried, but the overly conscientious self deepened a preliminary distrust for me, and would not allow me to speak out clearly.

Ruburt liked jobs where he was outside and free. The spontaneous self enjoyed them. The overly conscientious self demanded that this was not work enough. It did not pay penance enough for the fact that you were working at Artistic. This, combined with your attitude that he take a normal job, almost literally paralyzed him, for your voice was added, in his mind you see, reinforcing the rigid attitude of the overly conscientious self. It deeply distrusted the spontaneity allowed in such jobs.

The desire for punishment led him to contemplate doing the program, but under a guise to fool the spontaneous self. Here very fortunately you refused to be an ally of the overly conscientious self, and half the pressure was relieved from Ruburt. He was free enough to resist. (The Alan Burke TV show in NYC in August, 1967.)

The spontaneous self has seen itself in female terms. When Ruburt imagines that he does not like women therefore, this is the reason. I believe the personality is now coming to terms with itself. Spontaneously the personality always felt at one with All That Is. While he was in the church the overly conscientious self agreed with the terms. Later it became more and more confused.

This deprived Ruburt of the deeply-rooted sense of inner natural unity when he began to rationalize this or examine it intellectually; he already questioned it, and the questioning was on the part of the overly conscientious self. Progress is being made since our first session on this subject. (The 367th Session for October 1, 1967.)

Father Ryan and Father Traynor have been notified. I will myself give Ruburt some additional help while he is in astral form later this evening.

At our next session I will give him definite suggestions to use. In the meantime what he has been doing is adequate.