“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

If the possibility of success had never emerged the problem would never have emerged. It was unfortunately a cue point, and itself the time bomb of which Ruburt spoke. (Before the session tonight.)

The spontaneous ran out of control. This has something to do with the mother’s talking to the child about the father. He was uncontrolled— uncontrollable, lax, slow, and yet evil. The father had money and was evil. The poor were virtuous and on the side of God. The rich would never attain heaven. This is Ruburt’s penance, you see, put upon him by this other part of his personality. If he succeeds he must pay, for if he does not pay, if he does not willingly submit to his own punishment, then there is eternal damnation.

If this were the whole personality this would be no problem. He would avoid success like a plague. He would have been successful long before this. However the other portion of the personality is spontaneous, highly gifted, creative, intuitive, and loves luxury. This last being deeply hidden from the conscious personality.

I was enough like his Father Traynor to be safe, and without me his psychic abilities would not have matured at all. I will not be dispensed with. He cannot afford it. Also I am legitimate enough and independent enough in my own right.

He has no use for women, and women are not supposed to succeed. I am legitimate. His needs and personality were the reason, however, that he could communicate with me. He would never have communicated with, say, any female counterpart of me. I have literally held his personality together for some time, in relative balance. He has never been mentally unbalanced, and he has avoided this and any deep emotional difficulty. The physical illness, however, has taken their place. All in all, a much safer arrangement.

Success as a poet would present no difficulties. The overconscientious self was not about to permit the spontaneous self this new freedom, however. The early philosophical poetry represented a philosophy of pessimism. Stripped to its core, it was the good-or-suffer-damnation world.

It is now to some extent. (Pause.) It gave some consent to me in the beginning, but would go no further.