“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This session is not included in the records since it deals with personal material. I asked for it this evening because Jane was not feeling well, and indeed had seemed to decline since the New York trip in August.

(This afternoon while painting the thought came to me that Jane’s trouble was that she was avoiding success; and success was looming ever closer with the advertising campaign planned for her ESP book, the near-completion of the dream book, etc. In the 350th Session for July 6, 1967, is a sentence which has stayed with me— when Seth said: “Ruburt has an unfortunate sense of unworthiness, without which the situation [Jane’s symptoms] could not have developed.” I wondered if the unworthy feeling and the fact of success could be linked through the symptoms.

If the possibility of success had never emerged the problem would never have emerged. It was unfortunately a cue point, and itself the time bomb of which Ruburt spoke. (Before the session tonight.)

Now, to the other portion of the personality however, success was failure. This part of the personality remained relatively quiet until the other portion began to achieve its ends. This portion considered itself not only unworthy but evil. It (The “sinful self” May 10, 1982) is basically an overgrown and almost cancerous super-conscience that applied brakes in the past to some extent, and now has largely taken over.

The physical not-being-able-to-run, the slowing of motions, are all physical manifestations. This is the Irish grandmother, the mother, and the neighborhood shouting: Jane, do not run. Though consciously disobeying as a child, the suggestions took deep root. Spontaneity was evil.

The spontaneous ran out of control. This has something to do with the mother’s talking to the child about the father. He was uncontrolled— uncontrollable, lax, slow, and yet evil. The father had money and was evil. The poor were virtuous and on the side of God. The rich would never attain heaven. This is Ruburt’s penance, you see, put upon him by this other part of his personality. If he succeeds he must pay, for if he does not pay, if he does not willingly submit to his own punishment, then there is eternal damnation.

(Yesterday, Saturday, September 30, Jane and I visited my parents and the Crowders, up from Norfolk, Virginia. Since the old Ford—1955—was in the garage with gas tank trouble over the weekend, we were given a ride to Sayre and back from Elmira by the Crowders in their Cadillac. Vivian, Mrs. Crowder, is my mother’s niece.)

The New York trip (in August), his response to it, was largely responsible for the setback. He believes also that he must therefore accept any disability and discomfort because it is just punishment. The other portion rises up in arms and forces him to demand success.

Running is symbolic. He could run, his mother could not. She was evil. But if he is successful, then he believes he will be successful when he does not deserve it. Therefore evil also, and so he shall not run; running being symbolic of spontaneity. If he gives himself emotional and psychic freedom, then to compensate he will deny himself physical freedom. I have been a safeguard, for I was between him and complete spontaneity, you see.

I was enough like his Father Traynor to be safe, and without me his psychic abilities would not have matured at all. I will not be dispensed with. He cannot afford it. Also I am legitimate enough and independent enough in my own right.

The difficulties began with the selling of the first paperback and were accentuated later. The development of abilities and the ESP book represented an effort by the spontaneous self to express itself, for this other portion of the personality was ready then to take over, and it then retaliated with the beginning of symptoms.

Now. Ruburt’s early mystic life was also bound up with priests who were males, with whom one could not have any sexual relationship. He is now bound up with you in these endeavors. While he is so confused, then sexual relationship with you also becomes evil. He also felt compelled to follow the advice of the priests whether or not he agreed with it. This led to his passivity as far as you were concerned. If you were jealous of his success, he should not have it, and it must be plucked out.

His mother’s letter (received last week, and containing an old picture of her), followed by the weekend visit (with the Crowders and my parents), was the trigger point this time. He is still at the point where he must be saint or devil. He has had difficulties on Fridays because he eats meat on Fridays, and difficulties Sunday because he does not go to church.

The psychic classes have been of help for this reason. The overconscientious portion always trusted the spontaneous self as far as poetry was concerned, but distrusted spontaneity otherwise.

The preaching element was always strong. The poetry went against the church, but here the overconscientious self was able to realize the church’s limitations and went along.

Success as a poet would present no difficulties. The overconscientious self was not about to permit the spontaneous self this new freedom, however. The early philosophical poetry represented a philosophy of pessimism. Stripped to its core, it was the good-or-suffer-damnation world.

It has believed from the beginning that spontaneity was sinful. This was the misinterpretation given in early training.

You are extremely important in all of this, and you can do much to make Ruburt understand. (Jane paused. She shifted her position her eyes closed. Eventually she ended up lying on her back full length on the couch, where she had been sitting throughout the session. She continued to speak with her eyes closed. Her pace was slower. As far as I could recall, this was the first time she had permitted herself to lie flat during a session while in trance.) Because of the early training, you have somewhat assumed a position like those of the priests, and your word becomes extremely important, and almost like a law. Hence his passivity in many instances, and his avoidance of sex.

That was my meaning. It should be less inclined to do so as a result of this material.

(“I was going to say that if I ask for this type of material during a session, it’s likely to come through at least to some extent, isn’t it?”

Both. Particularly on his own. The Father Ryan influence—and he also had back trouble. Father Doren was seen as a spontaneous but evil man. Father Ryan was seen as rigid and uncompromising, but good. Father Ryan gave Ruburt his first typewriter, and desk, and bed. Now do you see those connections?