“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This afternoon while painting the thought came to me that Jane’s trouble was that she was avoiding success; and success was looming ever closer with the advertising campaign planned for her ESP book, the near-completion of the dream book, etc. In the 350th Session for July 6, 1967, is a sentence which has stayed with me— when Seth said: “Ruburt has an unfortunate sense of unworthiness, without which the situation [Jane’s symptoms] could not have developed.” I wondered if the unworthy feeling and the fact of success could be linked through the symptoms.

(Jane did not volunteer this session; I had to ask for it. She has never volunteered a session re her symptoms. She began to speak rapidly, in a somewhat odd-sounding, almost muffled voice, and with her eyes closed.

For every act he considers uncharitable or sarcastic he must pay. The Harriet poem: for that you see he believes he must pay. The irony of course is carefully chosen— that he choose those symptoms that reminds him of his mother. For she flaunted the neighborhood and the Irish background physically in her youth, and paid, and Ruburt fought it intellectually, and feels he must pay.

He fears destruction in the terms of being a complete cripple. To avoid this he adopts the symptoms, hoping to cheat his idea of the gods, or fate. To have the disease, or punishment, and still not have it, to satisfy both demands.

The difficulties began with the selling of the first paperback and were accentuated later. The development of abilities and the ESP book represented an effort by the spontaneous self to express itself, for this other portion of the personality was ready then to take over, and it then retaliated with the beginning of symptoms.

The physical symptoms therefore frighten him severely in that he does not run. He thinks you do not want him to talk about his past because you are ashamed of it. Take your break. (9:58.)