“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This afternoon while painting the thought came to me that Jane’s trouble was that she was avoiding success; and success was looming ever closer with the advertising campaign planned for her ESP book, the near-completion of the dream book, etc. In the 350th Session for July 6, 1967, is a sentence which has stayed with me— when Seth said: “Ruburt has an unfortunate sense of unworthiness, without which the situation [Jane’s symptoms] could not have developed.” I wondered if the unworthy feeling and the fact of success could be linked through the symptoms.

If the possibility of success had never emerged the problem would never have emerged. It was unfortunately a cue point, and itself the time bomb of which Ruburt spoke. (Before the session tonight.)

There is one part of the self, confident, assured of its abilities, and somewhat demanding, rather powerful. It has to this point driven the personality onward despite all obstacles. It never admitted the possibility of failure, but only worked toward success.

Now, to the other portion of the personality however, success was failure. This part of the personality remained relatively quiet until the other portion began to achieve its ends. This portion considered itself not only unworthy but evil. It (The “sinful self” May 10, 1982) is basically an overgrown and almost cancerous super-conscience that applied brakes in the past to some extent, and now has largely taken over.

If this were the whole personality this would be no problem. He would avoid success like a plague. He would have been successful long before this. However the other portion of the personality is spontaneous, highly gifted, creative, intuitive, and loves luxury. This last being deeply hidden from the conscious personality.

Scrounging about, taking secondhand items, allows him to accumulate some extras with impunity, because they are not new. He is deeply afraid of finishing his book for fear it will sell. He sends out messages pressing for the success of his original book, and sends out equally strong ones urging that it not be accepted, that it is not a huge success. This is the original book. (The ESP book.)

The New York trip (in August), his response to it, was largely responsible for the setback. He believes also that he must therefore accept any disability and discomfort because it is just punishment. The other portion rises up in arms and forces him to demand success.

When you did not expect success, really, then you did not threaten him. Now you expect success, and he feels even beforehand an added threat. Then he will have to suffer for you both, he feels.

Running is symbolic. He could run, his mother could not. She was evil. But if he is successful, then he believes he will be successful when he does not deserve it. Therefore evil also, and so he shall not run; running being symbolic of spontaneity. If he gives himself emotional and psychic freedom, then to compensate he will deny himself physical freedom. I have been a safeguard, for I was between him and complete spontaneity, you see.

Now. Ruburt’s early mystic life was also bound up with priests who were males, with whom one could not have any sexual relationship. He is now bound up with you in these endeavors. While he is so confused, then sexual relationship with you also becomes evil. He also felt compelled to follow the advice of the priests whether or not he agreed with it. This led to his passivity as far as you were concerned. If you were jealous of his success, he should not have it, and it must be plucked out.

The New York trip frightened him by its success. He felt he needed the punishment of the program (Alan Burke, TV), and you helped him avoid it. One remark or circumstance will be a cue to one or the other portions of the personality, which will then take over. He will be free or constrained, you see, until the next trigger point is given.

The material is coming through simply because he is desperate. Both portions of the personality are frightened. One portion fears success is coming regardless of all its attempts to hold it back. The other fears that it is being restrained despite all efforts to escape. The body is the warring point, and it is itself now fatigued.

Success, tied in with psychic work, can represent his main hope, and perhaps the one main door through which the whole personality can emerge united and intact.

Success as a poet would present no difficulties. The overconscientious self was not about to permit the spontaneous self this new freedom, however. The early philosophical poetry represented a philosophy of pessimism. Stripped to its core, it was the good-or-suffer-damnation world.

It then set itself up against the spontaneous self, and determined to keep it within bounds. Success is taboo for the unworthy only, you see. When the overconscientious self learns that the spontaneous self is not unworthy, then success is permissible.

If success allows for the furthering of ideas which are good, then success will become a need for the overconscientious self also, and a further reconciliation will take place. Do you see the steps here then that can be taken?

It is a relatively new idea to the overconscientious self, that the spontaneous self is good and a part of the god self. When this is completely seen there will be an integration of personality that will result in powerful work, and a definite unchallenged success.