“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The spontaneous ran out of control. This has something to do with the mother’s talking to the child about the father. He was uncontrolled— uncontrollable, lax, slow, and yet evil. The father had money and was evil. The poor were virtuous and on the side of God. The rich would never attain heaven. This is Ruburt’s penance, you see, put upon him by this other part of his personality. If he succeeds he must pay, for if he does not pay, if he does not willingly submit to his own punishment, then there is eternal damnation.

He fears destruction in the terms of being a complete cripple. To avoid this he adopts the symptoms, hoping to cheat his idea of the gods, or fate. To have the disease, or punishment, and still not have it, to satisfy both demands.

The New York trip (in August), his response to it, was largely responsible for the setback. He believes also that he must therefore accept any disability and discomfort because it is just punishment. The other portion rises up in arms and forces him to demand success.

When this portion is operating he does not dare enjoy the pleasures of love. No one in his neighborhood did, you see. (Pause.) He denies himself then out of fear. When he succeeds he punishes himself. When he fails the other, spontaneous, self rises up in arms. The two warring factions have been beating him apart.

The New York trip frightened him by its success. He felt he needed the punishment of the program (Alan Burke, TV), and you helped him avoid it. One remark or circumstance will be a cue to one or the other portions of the personality, which will then take over. He will be free or constrained, you see, until the next trigger point is given.