“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

What we have here is a deep struggle between various needs, a struggle between various portions of the personality, each with their own demands and interpretations of reality.

Now, to the other portion of the personality however, success was failure. This part of the personality remained relatively quiet until the other portion began to achieve its ends. This portion considered itself not only unworthy but evil. It (The “sinful self” May 10, 1982) is basically an overgrown and almost cancerous super-conscience that applied brakes in the past to some extent, and now has largely taken over.

If this were the whole personality this would be no problem. He would avoid success like a plague. He would have been successful long before this. However the other portion of the personality is spontaneous, highly gifted, creative, intuitive, and loves luxury. This last being deeply hidden from the conscious personality.

The New York trip (in August), his response to it, was largely responsible for the setback. He believes also that he must therefore accept any disability and discomfort because it is just punishment. The other portion rises up in arms and forces him to demand success.

The difficulties began with the selling of the first paperback and were accentuated later. The development of abilities and the ESP book represented an effort by the spontaneous self to express itself, for this other portion of the personality was ready then to take over, and it then retaliated with the beginning of symptoms.

When this portion is operating he does not dare enjoy the pleasures of love. No one in his neighborhood did, you see. (Pause.) He denies himself then out of fear. When he succeeds he punishes himself. When he fails the other, spontaneous, self rises up in arms. The two warring factions have been beating him apart.

The New York trip frightened him by its success. He felt he needed the punishment of the program (Alan Burke, TV), and you helped him avoid it. One remark or circumstance will be a cue to one or the other portions of the personality, which will then take over. He will be free or constrained, you see, until the next trigger point is given.

The material is coming through simply because he is desperate. Both portions of the personality are frightened. One portion fears success is coming regardless of all its attempts to hold it back. The other fears that it is being restrained despite all efforts to escape. The body is the warring point, and it is itself now fatigued.

When the overconscientious portion is made to understand that the spontaneous self is good, then the problem will cease.

The psychic classes have been of help for this reason. The overconscientious portion always trusted the spontaneous self as far as poetry was concerned, but distrusted spontaneity otherwise.