“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There is one part of the self, confident, assured of its abilities, and somewhat demanding, rather powerful. It has to this point driven the personality onward despite all obstacles. It never admitted the possibility of failure, but only worked toward success.

Scrounging about, taking secondhand items, allows him to accumulate some extras with impunity, because they are not new. He is deeply afraid of finishing his book for fear it will sell. He sends out messages pressing for the success of his original book, and sends out equally strong ones urging that it not be accepted, that it is not a huge success. This is the original book. (The ESP book.)

When this portion is operating he does not dare enjoy the pleasures of love. No one in his neighborhood did, you see. (Pause.) He denies himself then out of fear. When he succeeds he punishes himself. When he fails the other, spontaneous, self rises up in arms. The two warring factions have been beating him apart.

Now. Ruburt’s early mystic life was also bound up with priests who were males, with whom one could not have any sexual relationship. He is now bound up with you in these endeavors. While he is so confused, then sexual relationship with you also becomes evil. He also felt compelled to follow the advice of the priests whether or not he agreed with it. This led to his passivity as far as you were concerned. If you were jealous of his success, he should not have it, and it must be plucked out.

The New York trip frightened him by its success. He felt he needed the punishment of the program (Alan Burke, TV), and you helped him avoid it. One remark or circumstance will be a cue to one or the other portions of the personality, which will then take over. He will be free or constrained, you see, until the next trigger point is given.

The material is coming through simply because he is desperate. Both portions of the personality are frightened. One portion fears success is coming regardless of all its attempts to hold it back. The other fears that it is being restrained despite all efforts to escape. The body is the warring point, and it is itself now fatigued.

Success, tied in with psychic work, can represent his main hope, and perhaps the one main door through which the whole personality can emerge united and intact.