“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The physical not-being-able-to-run, the slowing of motions, are all physical manifestations. This is the Irish grandmother, the mother, and the neighborhood shouting: Jane, do not run. Though consciously disobeying as a child, the suggestions took deep root. Spontaneity was evil.

The spontaneous ran out of control. This has something to do with the mother’s talking to the child about the father. He was uncontrolled— uncontrollable, lax, slow, and yet evil. The father had money and was evil. The poor were virtuous and on the side of God. The rich would never attain heaven. This is Ruburt’s penance, you see, put upon him by this other part of his personality. If he succeeds he must pay, for if he does not pay, if he does not willingly submit to his own punishment, then there is eternal damnation.

For every act he considers uncharitable or sarcastic he must pay. The Harriet poem: for that you see he believes he must pay. The irony of course is carefully chosen— that he choose those symptoms that reminds him of his mother. For she flaunted the neighborhood and the Irish background physically in her youth, and paid, and Ruburt fought it intellectually, and feels he must pay.

(Yesterday, Saturday, September 30, Jane and I visited my parents and the Crowders, up from Norfolk, Virginia. Since the old Ford—1955—was in the garage with gas tank trouble over the weekend, we were given a ride to Sayre and back from Elmira by the Crowders in their Cadillac. Vivian, Mrs. Crowder, is my mother’s niece.)

Running is symbolic. He could run, his mother could not. She was evil. But if he is successful, then he believes he will be successful when he does not deserve it. Therefore evil also, and so he shall not run; running being symbolic of spontaneity. If he gives himself emotional and psychic freedom, then to compensate he will deny himself physical freedom. I have been a safeguard, for I was between him and complete spontaneity, you see.

His mother’s letter (received last week, and containing an old picture of her), followed by the weekend visit (with the Crowders and my parents), was the trigger point this time. He is still at the point where he must be saint or devil. He has had difficulties on Fridays because he eats meat on Fridays, and difficulties Sunday because he does not go to church.

The priests visited on Sunday afternoon. (Pause.) The main visits were held in the mother’s bedroom.