“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There is one part of the self, confident, assured of its abilities, and somewhat demanding, rather powerful. It has to this point driven the personality onward despite all obstacles. It never admitted the possibility of failure, but only worked toward success.

Now, to the other portion of the personality however, success was failure. This part of the personality remained relatively quiet until the other portion began to achieve its ends. This portion considered itself not only unworthy but evil. It (The “sinful self” May 10, 1982) is basically an overgrown and almost cancerous super-conscience that applied brakes in the past to some extent, and now has largely taken over.

There must be self-sacrifice, to some degree self-mutilation. And even hence you see the loss of weight. The dark side of the mystic, I am afraid.

The difficulties began with the selling of the first paperback and were accentuated later. The development of abilities and the ESP book represented an effort by the spontaneous self to express itself, for this other portion of the personality was ready then to take over, and it then retaliated with the beginning of symptoms.

When this portion is operating he does not dare enjoy the pleasures of love. No one in his neighborhood did, you see. (Pause.) He denies himself then out of fear. When he succeeds he punishes himself. When he fails the other, spontaneous, self rises up in arms. The two warring factions have been beating him apart.

Wait. The overly conscientious self however is also the teacher, and in the classes the two elements do to some extent combine with some overall benefit. The overconscientious self expounds, you see. These two warring elements are deeply bound up in psychic work because they were deeply bound up early in religious and mystic connotations in Catholic upbringing.

When the overconscientious portion is made to understand that the spontaneous self is good, then the problem will cease.

The psychic classes have been of help for this reason. The overconscientious portion always trusted the spontaneous self as far as poetry was concerned, but distrusted spontaneity otherwise.

The preaching element was always strong. The poetry went against the church, but here the overconscientious self was able to realize the church’s limitations and went along.

Success as a poet would present no difficulties. The overconscientious self was not about to permit the spontaneous self this new freedom, however. The early philosophical poetry represented a philosophy of pessimism. Stripped to its core, it was the good-or-suffer-damnation world.

The later poetry represented joy and the psychic work spontaneity. Yet a reconciliation is possible. The overconscientious self must be shown that the spontaneous self is the God self. If this is done it will add its strength to the purposes of the spontaneous self. Otherwise it will fight the spontaneous self, even to the death. It disapproves of anything it does not consider godly.

There is no reason why it will not listen, however, and gladly. Because of its very nature it wants to attach itself to, and work for, what it considers the good. It has been held within severe limitations and working under a false premise. It is trying to restrain Ruburt from doing that which is wrong. As it realizes through re-education that the spontaneous self is good, the sense of unworthiness will vanish. (Pause.)

It then set itself up against the spontaneous self, and determined to keep it within bounds. Success is taboo for the unworthy only, you see. When the overconscientious self learns that the spontaneous self is not unworthy, then success is permissible.

If success allows for the furthering of ideas which are good, then success will become a need for the overconscientious self also, and a further reconciliation will take place. Do you see the steps here then that can be taken?

You should. The overconscientious self you see has not trusted me, nor the sessions, and hampered help I could give. It realizes it is in jeopardy however, and the classes have served to open a wedge of understanding.

(“The overconscientious self should be able to see the benefits of the sessions and the classes, shouldn’t it?”)

(“Can the overconscientious self literally block material of this kind?”)

It has. When it realizes that the spontaneous self is a god-self, then it will actively help Ruburt.

(“Suppose the overconscientious self blocks this kind of material next session. Is this likely to happen?”)

It is a relatively new idea to the overconscientious self, that the spontaneous self is good and a part of the god self. When this is completely seen there will be an integration of personality that will result in powerful work, and a definite unchallenged success.

The overconscientious self has blocked many of Ruburt’s impressions in the past.