“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

For upon his shoulders rests the burden of what he owns, and he fears with a steady, nearly unending panic that he will not be able to keep this, through ill health. The panic is wild and like a storm. Basically you do not consider the terms. You do not realize that he has long ago made a bargain to give his family those things which he feels will content them, only to find them less content. For to deliver these things he must, because of his nature, deprive them of other more important considerations.

You would feel twice as trapped in his circumstances. He wants to share with you what he has, and in your visits, to which he and his wife look forward, in your acceptance of his hospitality and food and drink, he hopes for some justification.

It may appear that Ruburt is too easy or too willing to hold sessions. However his ego is very well in control, so well in control that on occasion when I would have spoken on these very matters I have not been allowed to do so. Of course I realize the time limitations, and others.

Ruburt, incidentally, simply because of his nature and through no design, was of benefit to you here, since he never commented on the penis in an adverse manner.

On the one hand you are pleased because Ruburt does not demand a large amount of physical goods, in usual terms. On the other hand you have the hilarious suspicion, when you are envious of others, that if he wanted more you would get more for him. You could blame him, and therefore have your cake and eat it too; so that the penis difficulty is also aimed in his direction, rather literally.

Now, I simply do not know where to begin with our friend Ruburt. First of all however, one small point. I have never manipulated his subconscious, in any manner, and both of you called me the evening of our last unscheduled session. We will devote some time to this whole matter.

The back problem was particularly easy for Ruburt to pick up, because of his mother and the arthritis, and because of this Father Ryan, whose back was injured. He constantly picks up and reacts to your moods, subconscious as well as conscious, interprets them, and translates them into physical realities, because of your psychic closeness and his strong telepathic abilities.

He adopted the stiff-necked symptom, which has been with him off and on. He also felt guilty however at being taken care of, for the stiff neck was also therefore a punishment. He feared he was being taken care of as his mother was; and that you must resent it symbolically, as he resented it, taking care of her, and therefore the bed difficulty.

For the bed reinforced the mother image for him. There is much more here, and we will cover what we can, and fill in when we can. The poor eyesight and the sinus are both, on a much limited scale, adaptations of his mother’s more frightening and more successful efforts to close out portions of reality.

One, along with the recent irregular periods, is fairly obvious. His book is to be published, and since he is a female the book is his baby. It will not be completely born until it hits the light of day. We have then pressure pains, extended abdomen, and irregular periods. (Seth much amused here.)

He feels that your eyes are upon him to see that he puts in a full working day, and he feels that he must because you do. Without your help he feels guilty, staying home. His nature is strongly intuitive and spontaneous. It needed discipline, and you helped here to a truly astounding degree.

Now however he feels under pressure, hence the pressure again in the abdomen, again connected with his work; for he feels that he must be at the typewriter five or six hours steadily, daily, or he is not keeping up his part of the bargain.

This feeling was heightened after a discussion in particular that you held in your room, and this is connected with your relationship, because he left his mother when he was sick of taking care of her. His loyalty, once captured as you have captured it, is unbelievably enduring, but he is never sure basically of the loyalty of someone who supports him, which is regrettable.

Your own background is important here, and he picks up your past feelings, you see. You truly have no respect for your mother, in the one instance that your father supported her, and she pushed him. There is a connection here with Ruburt’s insistence on spending a part of his money on the apartment tangibly, where you could see it, and be reminded that he helped out.

He feels more pressure to hold sessions now regularly because of our doctor, and more pressure not to hold sessions when he feels the urge to, because of your own fears; that is, your fears and his fears.

This I intend to clarify. Now. Ruburt is bearing up well this evening, with my help. I can clarify further here on his health after a break, or you may end the session.