“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There is an affinity between you. He likes to think that under different circumstances he could live as you live. The need for money literally strangles him. He wants to help you, rather normally, because he feels rather illogically but understandably, that in helping you he helps a part of himself. For there is an isolated characteristic in him, and a completely undeveloped talent, though not in painting.

On the one hand you are pleased because Ruburt does not demand a large amount of physical goods, in usual terms. On the other hand you have the hilarious suspicion, when you are envious of others, that if he wanted more you would get more for him. You could blame him, and therefore have your cake and eat it too; so that the penis difficulty is also aimed in his direction, rather literally.

It is also so aimed in another manner. For when you are envious you become angry at yourself, but also angry at him, for you cannot help thinking that if he worked harder, if he did something, of what you are not certain, then he would make more money, and you could still have what envy demands. So here again the penis difficulty, for he sat home full time writing, while you work part time, and yet he has not made all that money.

I am sparing no one here, incidentally, for your benefits. He is prone to criticism; that is, he is prone to being criticized. He picked up the feeling that although you wanted him home writing, you were also envious and resentful. Yet he loves you. He felt you were being stiff-necked, and identified here.

He adopted the stiff-necked symptom, which has been with him off and on. He also felt guilty however at being taken care of, for the stiff neck was also therefore a punishment. He feared he was being taken care of as his mother was; and that you must resent it symbolically, as he resented it, taking care of her, and therefore the bed difficulty.

For the bed reinforced the mother image for him. There is much more here, and we will cover what we can, and fill in when we can. The poor eyesight and the sinus are both, on a much limited scale, adaptations of his mother’s more frightening and more successful efforts to close out portions of reality.

The sinus is made worse by heat, because at home he always wanted to open the windows and escape, and could not. You should, whenever you move again, have all rooms with more than one window if at all possible, for this also has a connection with the thyroid. The need to escape is now latent only; but windows symbolize the way to escape, and closed places frighten him.

This session may help, but the mechanisms are so involved that it will be a while, even with my help, before this need for spaciousness, comparatively speaking, leaves him.

This is not all however, and I do not spare him.

He feels that your eyes are upon him to see that he puts in a full working day, and he feels that he must because you do. Without your help he feels guilty, staying home. His nature is strongly intuitive and spontaneous. It needed discipline, and you helped here to a truly astounding degree.

Now. He would produce as much, if not more, and of better quality, were he not so rigorous in this respect. For after a certain point of discipline is reached, he will operate well and effectively. But ideas will come to him in better fashion if he allots part of the day to spontaneous thinking. He sops ideas up in a spontaneous manner, and when it seems that he plays, even to him, he is working.

This feeling was heightened after a discussion in particular that you held in your room, and this is connected with your relationship, because he left his mother when he was sick of taking care of her. His loyalty, once captured as you have captured it, is unbelievably enduring, but he is never sure basically of the loyalty of someone who supports him, which is regrettable.

One the other hand, this fear works for him, because he works harder as a writer to pay you back. So it is not entirely negative or destructive, but partially channeled in a constructive fashion.

Your own background is important here, and he picks up your past feelings, you see. You truly have no respect for your mother, in the one instance that your father supported her, and she pushed him. There is a connection here with Ruburt’s insistence on spending a part of his money on the apartment tangibly, where you could see it, and be reminded that he helped out.