“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, on your part we will use the word envy rather than jealousy. (Jane smiled.) There is a difference. This has to do with your friend (J. Spaziani), and an excellent friend he is indeed. You are itching to have what he has, quite literally. This should be clearly understood, for envy is a potentially dangerous emotion.

For upon his shoulders rests the burden of what he owns, and he fears with a steady, nearly unending panic that he will not be able to keep this, through ill health. The panic is wild and like a storm. Basically you do not consider the terms. You do not realize that he has long ago made a bargain to give his family those things which he feels will content them, only to find them less content. For to deliver these things he must, because of his nature, deprive them of other more important considerations.

You would feel twice as trapped in his circumstances. He wants to share with you what he has, and in your visits, to which he and his wife look forward, in your acceptance of his hospitality and food and drink, he hopes for some justification.

There is an affinity between you. He likes to think that under different circumstances he could live as you live. The need for money literally strangles him. He wants to help you, rather normally, because he feels rather illogically but understandably, that in helping you he helps a part of himself. For there is an isolated characteristic in him, and a completely undeveloped talent, though not in painting.

There is little need for you to itch to have what he has. Because of your past existence as a landowner, you particularly are resentful of those who own land. This was one of my main reasons for suggesting strongly that you buy the specific property, a while back. Such a procedure would have satisfied a strong demand of your nature, but it would not have isolated you to an unhealthy degree, since it was close by.

Now, to make you feel better: had you bought the house, you would have been exactly as well off now as you are, no more and no less. Ruburt’s book would still have been written. He would not have had to stay at the gallery but two months longer.

Ruburt, incidentally, simply because of his nature and through no design, was of benefit to you here, since he never commented on the penis in an adverse manner.

On the one hand you are pleased because Ruburt does not demand a large amount of physical goods, in usual terms. On the other hand you have the hilarious suspicion, when you are envious of others, that if he wanted more you would get more for him. You could blame him, and therefore have your cake and eat it too; so that the penis difficulty is also aimed in his direction, rather literally.

It is also so aimed in another manner. For when you are envious you become angry at yourself, but also angry at him, for you cannot help thinking that if he worked harder, if he did something, of what you are not certain, then he would make more money, and you could still have what envy demands. So here again the penis difficulty, for he sat home full time writing, while you work part time, and yet he has not made all that money.

One more thing here. A connection with your mother, in that you feel that she never considered your father a true, straight man because he did not do well financially.

The back problem was particularly easy for Ruburt to pick up, because of his mother and the arthritis, and because of this Father Ryan, whose back was injured. He constantly picks up and reacts to your moods, subconscious as well as conscious, interprets them, and translates them into physical realities, because of your psychic closeness and his strong telepathic abilities.

I am sparing no one here, incidentally, for your benefits. He is prone to criticism; that is, he is prone to being criticized. He picked up the feeling that although you wanted him home writing, you were also envious and resentful. Yet he loves you. He felt you were being stiff-necked, and identified here.

He adopted the stiff-necked symptom, which has been with him off and on. He also felt guilty however at being taken care of, for the stiff neck was also therefore a punishment. He feared he was being taken care of as his mother was; and that you must resent it symbolically, as he resented it, taking care of her, and therefore the bed difficulty.

The sinus is made worse by heat, because at home he always wanted to open the windows and escape, and could not. You should, whenever you move again, have all rooms with more than one window if at all possible, for this also has a connection with the thyroid. The need to escape is now latent only; but windows symbolize the way to escape, and closed places frighten him.

I am suggesting, Joseph, nothing. However as far as sleep is concerned alone, he would sleep best in the back room or the front room, neither of which I believe is practical at this point. In any case this is not activated on all occasions by any means.

One, along with the recent irregular periods, is fairly obvious. His book is to be published, and since he is a female the book is his baby. It will not be completely born until it hits the light of day. We have then pressure pains, extended abdomen, and irregular periods. (Seth much amused here.)

He feels that your eyes are upon him to see that he puts in a full working day, and he feels that he must because you do. Without your help he feels guilty, staying home. His nature is strongly intuitive and spontaneous. It needed discipline, and you helped here to a truly astounding degree.

Now however he feels under pressure, hence the pressure again in the abdomen, again connected with his work; for he feels that he must be at the typewriter five or six hours steadily, daily, or he is not keeping up his part of the bargain.

Now. He would produce as much, if not more, and of better quality, were he not so rigorous in this respect. For after a certain point of discipline is reached, he will operate well and effectively. But ideas will come to him in better fashion if he allots part of the day to spontaneous thinking. He sops ideas up in a spontaneous manner, and when it seems that he plays, even to him, he is working.

This feeling was heightened after a discussion in particular that you held in your room, and this is connected with your relationship, because he left his mother when he was sick of taking care of her. His loyalty, once captured as you have captured it, is unbelievably enduring, but he is never sure basically of the loyalty of someone who supports him, which is regrettable.

One the other hand, this fear works for him, because he works harder as a writer to pay you back. So it is not entirely negative or destructive, but partially channeled in a constructive fashion.

Your own background is important here, and he picks up your past feelings, you see. You truly have no respect for your mother, in the one instance that your father supported her, and she pushed him. There is a connection here with Ruburt’s insistence on spending a part of his money on the apartment tangibly, where you could see it, and be reminded that he helped out.

At the same time it makes you slightly angry, for you feel two things. One, that it is little enough; and two, because of your own envy of others who have more, that perhaps Ruburt means that you should have bought these things, while he means nothing of the sort.

The pressure, I am sorry to say, has also some connection with our sessions, in that he feels caught betwixt and between; somewhat under pressure to hold sessions regularly, although he may not feel like particularly doing so; and under pressure not to hold sessions when he may feel particularly like doing so. This in relation to the abdomen.

He feels more pressure to hold sessions now regularly because of our doctor, and more pressure not to hold sessions when he feels the urge to, because of your own fears; that is, your fears and his fears.