“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He felt, as a child now, that he had no rights. Nothing was his by rights. Anything could be taken from him at any time. While he lived in one house, still the home itself was always in jeopardy. His mother frequently told him that she would keep him only if he was good, that only Marie’s good graces kept the child from going to an asylum. The mother’s affections were not the child’s by right, but dependent upon how well the child cared or performed.

To a large extent in even small things therefore, he felt he had no rights per se, no right to ask you for example for anything. Remember early tales he tells about feeling guilty for buying a lipstick. Before tonight’s session he mentioned that the class wine was gone. He meant obviously that it must be replaced, but would never directly ask you to do so, feeling he had no right.

To voice any dissatisfaction to you verbally was highly difficult, for you could then take away your love and affection, as his mother did, for she would not stand, in Ruburt’s eyes, for such voiced aggression. He had to be quiet therefore to preserve your love.

If you did not object, it meant you did not care for the sessions. In the psychic realm therefore he dared not voice any feelings that you did not voice. The unvoiced fear always was that you would abandon him because he had no rights.

Your going to the store for him without asking proves that you love him. He would never ask you to do anything for him, for he felt he had no right to do so, or to your love. He needed a strong excuse therefore in order to ask you to do anything. One excuse was that he could not do it himself.

The symptoms, beside other issues, have been a crying out to you for a love he feels he does not deserve but needs, a love he feared you could forget. He feared always that you would go your way in your work and life, and emotionally leave him alone. He could not bear that eventuality.

The symptoms also served to punish you for making him go to such extremes, because physically they obviously hampered the expression of that love. He is possessive and jealous, and gave you his entire loyalty. He was afraid you would flee as your father fled. He would not (in quotes) “humiliate himself” to his way of thinking by crying after you, hammering at your door. He transferred the entire dilemma to the physical realm.

Now part of this was quite unrealistic, based on old ideas of his, part of it from the interaction of your natures. Our sessions are extremely legitimate, from what you would call a psychic viewpoint—you are reaching dimensions very seldom reached. They also served psychological purposes of course.

Ruburt hoped they would bring the two of you closer together after your illness. Instead he feared that they drove you farther apart, in that he feared you would use them to spend time away from him rather than with him, and in that he did not feel able to express his own ambiguous feelings—the ideas of performance entering in here.

On one level then the sessions were an attempt to retain your love and give him a right to it. Hence his later feelings that you loved him only for the sessions carried a certain charge. Now this is one of the most important sessions you have been given on your own affairs. I suggest a break. He would quite literally do anything to retain your love—hence his feelings sometimes that you sent him out on this psychic pilgrimage. This feeling however, having its roots in “lack of rights” and his alliance with you, also provides him with the unity upon which his life is based: the poetry, the psychic work, and yourself. A trio, you see.

He was afraid shortly before our sessions began that you had largely lost your love for him, and he began frantically to initiate methods of insuring it. The sessions were on the one hand a gift to you, by which means your health could be restored. He felt your physical withdrawal strongly during your illness previously, felt on several occasions physically attracted to other men, and became terrified. Walt did not want him physically, but he did not love Walt. He feared you were turning away from him in those terms. He was frightened that his sexual appetite would attract him to others and betray him, so he closed the door on it as best he could.

Any money he made was always simply a way of winning your approval, in the terms that you wanted. He had many good ideas that he felt you would have been against that would have worked out very well, but he was afraid of going against you.

You knew he would not allow it, while you gave yourself time to grow in understanding. Otherwise you might well have continued your earlier performance, and moved in with your parents, to bail out your younger brother in a situation which would have then been present.

He felt guilty then at asking you to change your mode of behavior, and felt you would construe this to mean he was grasping and wanted all of you and meant to allow you no freedom; which again, was not the case.