“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He felt, as a child now, that he had no rights. Nothing was his by rights. Anything could be taken from him at any time. While he lived in one house, still the home itself was always in jeopardy. His mother frequently told him that she would keep him only if he was good, that only Marie’s good graces kept the child from going to an asylum. The mother’s affections were not the child’s by right, but dependent upon how well the child cared or performed.

As mentioned earlier in other sessions he felt, erroneously, for some time that your love for him depended upon his performance as a writer and in sessions, since it could not be his by right. He had to test the love therefore by skipping sessions to see if you still loved him. If you objected it meant you did not.

Ruburt hoped they would bring the two of you closer together after your illness. Instead he feared that they drove you farther apart, in that he feared you would use them to spend time away from him rather than with him, and in that he did not feel able to express his own ambiguous feelings—the ideas of performance entering in here.

There was also the idea of channeling that energy into our sessions, this of course at a deeply unconscious level. Instead he felt that you latched upon the sessions so that they came before he did personally—that you demanded performance there in sessions, while not in bed. In an odd way he felt that you used them against him, in other words—this during the time of tests, in that area.

You knew he would not allow it, while you gave yourself time to grow in understanding. Otherwise you might well have continued your earlier performance, and moved in with your parents, to bail out your younger brother in a situation which would have then been present.

You made love frequently, and began an open communication area. The night of the Milligan party he did very well. You spoke some words to him, mentioning that his performance still needed much more progress. Unfortunately he took this to mean that you did not appreciate his efforts, did not love him, and cautioned him that he had better not give up those symptoms yet.