“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He felt, as a child now, that he had no rights. Nothing was his by rights. Anything could be taken from him at any time. While he lived in one house, still the home itself was always in jeopardy. His mother frequently told him that she would keep him only if he was good, that only Marie’s good graces kept the child from going to an asylum. The mother’s affections were not the child’s by right, but dependent upon how well the child cared or performed.

Only poetry seemed Ruburt’s by right. In the convent home, as you know, letters were censored, and only positive statements got through the censor. The child feared punishment there by giving voice to any complaint. Ruburt grew up then without daring to ask for anything. Welfare, who gave, always threatened to take away. They were a threat as well as a sustenance. The college scholarship was not Ruburt’s by right, but could also be taken away.

To a large extent in even small things therefore, he felt he had no rights per se, no right to ask you for example for anything. Remember early tales he tells about feeling guilty for buying a lipstick. Before tonight’s session he mentioned that the class wine was gone. He meant obviously that it must be replaced, but would never directly ask you to do so, feeling he had no right.

The habits however became strong through the years: the reasons largely forgotten, and for that matter no longer vital, but active.

The symptoms, beside other issues, have been a crying out to you for a love he feels he does not deserve but needs, a love he feared you could forget. He feared always that you would go your way in your work and life, and emotionally leave him alone. He could not bear that eventuality.

He was afraid shortly before our sessions began that you had largely lost your love for him, and he began frantically to initiate methods of insuring it. The sessions were on the one hand a gift to you, by which means your health could be restored. He felt your physical withdrawal strongly during your illness previously, felt on several occasions physically attracted to other men, and became terrified. Walt did not want him physically, but he did not love Walt. He feared you were turning away from him in those terms. He was frightened that his sexual appetite would attract him to others and betray him, so he closed the door on it as best he could.

Any money he made was always simply a way of winning your approval, in the terms that you wanted. He had many good ideas that he felt you would have been against that would have worked out very well, but he was afraid of going against you.

For now, I recommend a definite certain amount of time on a regular basis. I cannot recommend this too strongly. Later you will not need the time, per se. Communication will flow freely, but now you need it.

Your afternoon activities today are but a hint of natural communications that you have both let lag. As you both ascertained, this is an excellent method. For one thing the activity engages body, mind and spirit in joyful pursuit. Spontaneity is encouraged. Physically, hormones and chemicals are brought into activity that are otherwise sluggish. It is not your role, necessarily, to make up for the love Ruburt did not have as a child, yet bodily caresses and fond verbal endearments provide him with exactly the kind of soothing assuring elements that he needs, and that will result in health improvement.

Aside from this your own vitality will also be improved, and the situation with the penis relieved. Physical intercourse may or may not take place according to your moods, but the physical endearments and the feelings of closeness, being cherished and assured are definitely important on Ruburt’s part.

The period difficulty is connected here, and is a follow-through, as I explained earlier in other sessions. These are the two most important elements necessary now, and the steady but light use of the suggestions.

You can woo him back to health. It may seem that you need not do this—that he should do it alone, but because your relationship is so involved this is by far the procedure that will rouse his own desire for health. Do you follow me?