“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

To a large extent in even small things therefore, he felt he had no rights per se, no right to ask you for example for anything. Remember early tales he tells about feeling guilty for buying a lipstick. Before tonight’s session he mentioned that the class wine was gone. He meant obviously that it must be replaced, but would never directly ask you to do so, feeling he had no right.

The backed-up feelings helped bring about the rigidity over a period of time. He was operating to a large degree according to the code long set down by his grandfather: be quiet, do not argue, be aloof, and above all never raise your voice.

Your going to the store for him without asking proves that you love him. He would never ask you to do anything for him, for he felt he had no right to do so, or to your love. He needed a strong excuse therefore in order to ask you to do anything. One excuse was that he could not do it himself.

Ruburt’s sense of worth came from his writing self. There he felt on firm ground. It carried him through all of his early years, this belief in the writing self that automatically justified his existence and more (underlined) than made up for any other lacks, he felt. It made him then superior, and effectively hid the other sense of worthlessness.

Though this was true, the writing self for the first time began to question itself, its achievements, and the new field it had entered. It had never questioned itself before. This brought forth some conflicts, for the writing self had been Ruburt’s justification of your love. He had a right to it because he was a writer, not because he was himself.

He was afraid shortly before our sessions began that you had largely lost your love for him, and he began frantically to initiate methods of insuring it. The sessions were on the one hand a gift to you, by which means your health could be restored. He felt your physical withdrawal strongly during your illness previously, felt on several occasions physically attracted to other men, and became terrified. Walt did not want him physically, but he did not love Walt. He feared you were turning away from him in those terms. He was frightened that his sexual appetite would attract him to others and betray him, so he closed the door on it as best he could.

He did not feel they had served that particular purpose, yet he felt the sessions too legitimate to drop then, and the psychic work too fascinating to disown. They seemed not to have brought you closer together however, to him. Precisely at the time the strong symptoms began, the ESP book was slated for publication. You had received the cover, and the writing self was facing its own conflicts also: was the psychic work its natural fulfillment, or a disastrous side trip? The two of you were not communicating well. He did not feel you were proud enough of that book. He was afraid it did not justify your love. His symptoms then began.

He felt guilty then at asking you to change your mode of behavior, and felt you would construe this to mean he was grasping and wanted all of you and meant to allow you no freedom; which again, was not the case.

You made love frequently, and began an open communication area. The night of the Milligan party he did very well. You spoke some words to him, mentioning that his performance still needed much more progress. Unfortunately he took this to mean that you did not appreciate his efforts, did not love him, and cautioned him that he had better not give up those symptoms yet.

Basic communication has been difficult. This means you should try better to communicate your thoughts and feelings. You, then, say what naturally comes to mind, and encourage Ruburt to make any questions or comments. Feel free to say what is on your mind; again, discuss Ruburt’s interpretation.

Several such freely entered encounters will show him practically the difference between your meaning and his interpretation. You are not to watch yourself, in other words. You should both take some time each day to freely discuss whatever personal issues are involved, to express your selves personally to each other on whatever issues you want.

Now if you want results follow the suggestions. You may end the session, ask questions, or if you prefer list any questions you have between the session and the next, to give you time to think.