“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt’s sense of worth came from his writing self. There he felt on firm ground. It carried him through all of his early years, this belief in the writing self that automatically justified his existence and more (underlined) than made up for any other lacks, he felt. It made him then superior, and effectively hid the other sense of worthlessness.

The writing self had always been both highly intuitional and highly questioning. The questioning of values, of neighborhood and church, allowed the intuitions to work and gave them freedom. The writing self therefore led the way also to the psychic developments. These were a natural extension.

Though this was true, the writing self for the first time began to question itself, its achievements, and the new field it had entered. It had never questioned itself before. This brought forth some conflicts, for the writing self had been Ruburt’s justification of your love. He had a right to it because he was a writer, not because he was himself.

When he began to doubt the writing self in this new alliance with the psychic, then the framework became shaky. Some of this was a creative psychic and artistic endeavor that had to be worked through, whether or not it shook the foundations, you see.

The writing self knew it needed something to write about, and greater maturity if it were to fulfill its abilities, and here again the psychic development fulfilled a need. The writing self was led to examine its own substance; since Ruburt felt your love was dependent on the outcome, this brought about certain difficulties.

He did not feel they had served that particular purpose, yet he felt the sessions too legitimate to drop then, and the psychic work too fascinating to disown. They seemed not to have brought you closer together however, to him. Precisely at the time the strong symptoms began, the ESP book was slated for publication. You had received the cover, and the writing self was facing its own conflicts also: was the psychic work its natural fulfillment, or a disastrous side trip? The two of you were not communicating well. He did not feel you were proud enough of that book. He was afraid it did not justify your love. His symptoms then began.