“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He began to think that just about everything he did was wrong. His reader’s report (for Prentice/Hall) pleased him however, as did your reaction to it. Now I think you will agree we need to build him up—

(Seth was quite emphatic here, and half humorous. In spite of our seriousness I had to laugh. I found myself doing this in many spots through the session, though half of it, I believe, was in frustration. Jane’s delivery throughout was fairly rapid.)

In other words, he felt that unless he was using his abilities fully, and was spiritually, creatively and psychically perfect, he should mar his physical performance. His idea of honesty and his literal interpretation led him to the idea after the worst part of his difficulties were over, that he should keep some of the symptoms to show he was not a hypocrite to others.

You did not get the full information from the pendulum. It was not so much that Ruburt was jealous of my book, as it was that he felt he should distrust anything that came so easily.

Now, in your good intentions you told Ruburt lately that he was using only a tenth of his abilities, meaning that most people only used a portion of their capabilities. (I also explained this meaning to Jane at the time.) He took this as an accusation, however, and further concentrated upon his lacks. Neither of you should expect perfect performance in your work, and I say this to you as well as to Ruburt. To some extent there has been a weaving in and out, so that at times Ruburt’s symptoms were personal, and at times they were symbols for both of your attitudes.

It was like having a handy whipping-dog around. Now if the whipping-dogs were not connected with Ruburt, this would be a handy family mechanism. Another point I would mention: Ruburt knows quite well your own progress in your own work. He has always been psychologically and psychically attuned to your work. He knows for example when you are doing well and when you feel you are in difficulties, even if it seems to you he does not look at a particular painting, or take, notice.

You work mornings outside. He feels guilty that you do. He feels how you would enjoy and appreciate painting in the same way that my book is being presented, so spontaneously and quickly, comparatively speaking. He thinks this should be granted to you rather than to him, to make up for your job, and so he has felt somewhat guilty about it, and punished himself by holding off. He was afraid you would be jealous of the book, and hurt, and his panic was of your reaction.

He long ago made a pact with himself, that he would not hurt you. Now, none of this material was known to him. It has all been beneath the surface. So when you said to him “use your abilities fully,” he was in a quandary, for to use them might be to hurt you in that particular manner.

Also, to some less extent, and at different times, he would know that the symptoms were a whipping-boy for you both, and so he was afraid at times to dispense with them completely. (Of letting them go, for fear they would be needed next week.)

(This is very important. Seth is right. Jane didn’t see the humor, at first, and was still questioning me about this several days after this session was held. But we are making progress now.)

To him, because you are in good health, he took this to mean that you were therefore better than he was, closer to perfection. When you felt at your best he felt accused. Do you follow me?

(Seth’s delivery was very friendly here. I’ve told Jane before that typing up this material has always been a job I do gladly, since I believe in it and regard it as having a vital part of a work that is both highly creative and original. It also gives me an opportunity to do some writing on my own in conjunction with Seth’s own data and this I enjoy greatly.

Now I can laugh with you, but he will not when he reads this. He felt he was not worthy of the healing ability because he was not perfect. Again, do all you can to convince him that his good health is not dependent upon his performance or perfection. This is extremely important.

It is all connected. The trouble is that when the early environmental conditions, which helped set up the episode, ceased operating strongly, the pattern of behavior was set, and used then for other psychological purposes as noted. (Important!) Past environmental episodes have little now to do with the symptoms. The data given this evening relates to the present situation. Now, the cat lover’s attitude has a healthy effect on Ruburt, regardless of its basic legitimate nature. Do you follow me?

(Jane didn’t know I was going to ask this question. Nor had I planned upon doing so; the idea came to me a few minutes ago.)

Beyond this the symptoms are a protest. She thinks that he could get out of some (underlined) obligations connected with work, if he really exerted himself to do so, and was not afraid of doing so.

(11:36. Jane was slow coming out of trance; it had been deep. She remembered little of the material after last break, except that I’d asked a question about Peg.