“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In other words, he felt that unless he was using his abilities fully, and was spiritually, creatively and psychically perfect, he should mar his physical performance. His idea of honesty and his literal interpretation led him to the idea after the worst part of his difficulties were over, that he should keep some of the symptoms to show he was not a hypocrite to others.

You did not get the full information from the pendulum. It was not so much that Ruburt was jealous of my book, as it was that he felt he should distrust anything that came so easily.

This in itself puts a strain on the personality that is not felt by other kinds of personalities, though they also have their own kind of behavior. The desire for perfection is meant to lead you onward, and to make you discontent enough so that you will attempt new creations. There must be a gap between the desire for perfection and the physical result. Now and then the desire for perfection gets out of hand.

He knows how long you work at a painting before you are satisfied, and he felt that you might be hurt by my book, seemingly so effortlessly written. So he had to make it more difficult. Do you follow me?

You work mornings outside. He feels guilty that you do. He feels how you would enjoy and appreciate painting in the same way that my book is being presented, so spontaneously and quickly, comparatively speaking. He thinks this should be granted to you rather than to him, to make up for your job, and so he has felt somewhat guilty about it, and punished himself by holding off. He was afraid you would be jealous of the book, and hurt, and his panic was of your reaction.

To him, because you are in good health, he took this to mean that you were therefore better than he was, closer to perfection. When you felt at your best he felt accused. Do you follow me?

Another point. To some extent he has always felt guilty at the work involved in your writing up the sessions, and when my book began he felt this twice as badly, you see.

Now I can laugh with you, but he will not when he reads this. He felt he was not worthy of the healing ability because he was not perfect. Again, do all you can to convince him that his good health is not dependent upon his performance or perfection. This is extremely important.