“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(“I’m afraid that Jane’s symptoms lead her to concentrate too much upon them. They overshadow her other accomplishments. I also get irritated at them. Then we try different things in an effort to get rid of them, etc.”)

You work mornings outside. He feels guilty that you do. He feels how you would enjoy and appreciate painting in the same way that my book is being presented, so spontaneously and quickly, comparatively speaking. He thinks this should be granted to you rather than to him, to make up for your job, and so he has felt somewhat guilty about it, and punished himself by holding off. He was afraid you would be jealous of the book, and hurt, and his panic was of your reaction.

Also, to some less extent, and at different times, he would know that the symptoms were a whipping-boy for you both, and so he was afraid at times to dispense with them completely. (Of letting them go, for fear they would be needed next week.)

For one thing, she is afraid that the Jesuit will get more severe symptoms of his own, as a result of work pressure, and in a protective way she is trying to say “Bill, do not get sick. See, I will get sick myself instead, for you.”

Beyond this the symptoms are a protest. She thinks that he could get out of some (underlined) obligations connected with work, if he really exerted himself to do so, and was not afraid of doing so.

She is saying “You are not only hurting yourself, but you are hurting me also.” Symbolically, the malady is expressing her attitude perfectly. She is strongly dependent upon the Jesuit, even while she appears, and is in many ways solitary and aggressive; and she is afraid that their intimate life might suffer if the acceleration of his work experience is continued, and if his attitude toward it does not change.