“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Some of the buried fears have been stationary, residing or taking up residence in their physical materialization in certain areas of the body. Each one definitely has an effect physically upon any of the thousands of muscles, and usually the same fear affects the same area of the body. You end up with blockages therefore that may show some variation in intensity with surface moods, therapy or momentary good news, but then reassert themselves in the same areas.

Your discussion this evening, and events since our session have been to the point, and beneficial. Particularly your comments concerning Ruburt’s behavior with the first husband. When the two of you have had any personal difficulties then Ruburt became twice as angry and fearful about your parents. At one time he equated you with Walt in his dreams. The dreams were meant to show him he was repeating a pattern of behavior.

He is terrified of vulnerability because of his mother’s condition when he was a child. Many of his early poems clearly showed a desire to dissociate himself from the warm spontaneous self, and to hide in a nonfeeling uncaring safety. He envied you what he thought of as your coolness, and in trying to emulate it at times he only used it as an excuse to continue this old pattern of withdrawal.

He keeps minute by minute count of you when you are working—all unaware, yet he makes it a point not to ask you about your painting a good deal of the time. To show concern you see to his way of thinking would be to admit, even briefly, he has any fears at all regarding your work. The charge had so built up that if you had one bad afternoon painting, he saw this as a sign of complete failure on your part; and he did the same with his own work.

To give expression to a need for help, or to show a need for comfort would be seen as weaknesses in your eyes. You felt that other people were weak, indecisive, stupid, ridden by fears. This is his interpretation of your feelings. To admit a need for comfort or to admit fears would put him, in your eyes, in the same category as all these others.

We are going to end the session shortly. He feared he was going beyond your reach, and he could have in a very real manner. This idea alone terrified him. He feared that on your own you would not make the effort to pull him back, and yet he would not ask you to do so. To show that he still has some reachable foibles, you still aroused a spark of his old enthusiasm earlier this evening when you suggested that his place (our apartment) still did have possibilities if your eyes were opened to them. So pursue that.