“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In the initial stages of Ruburt’s withdrawals, the exaggerated chatter also served to fool him, you see, as well as others. He would become all the more animated. He recognized some of these characteristics in your Jesuit friend. (Bill Gallagher.) They frightened him and were at least somewhat responsible in helping shake him loose. (Last week.) Do you follow me?

Your discussion this evening, and events since our session have been to the point, and beneficial. Particularly your comments concerning Ruburt’s behavior with the first husband. When the two of you have had any personal difficulties then Ruburt became twice as angry and fearful about your parents. At one time he equated you with Walt in his dreams. The dreams were meant to show him he was repeating a pattern of behavior.

To ask you for help therefore was to put himself in the position of his mother, and plead helplessness. This has been mentioned before but it is a good point, that retaliation against his mother was felt to be impossible, for she would then have an attack for which Ruburt felt responsible. This brought on greater feelings of guilt over any protest.

Ruburt’s deep love for you shocked him out of that pattern for some time, but he also idealized you to such an extent that some difficulties were bound to arise. Behind any ordinary disagreement you might voice, any normal protest, he felt there was a great charge. He was so afraid to voice protest himself that he felt you must be driven by great inner forces before you would dare voice any protest to him.

The weight is also related to his grandfather, and an identification with the grandfather, who was very thin, and who left Ruburt’s mother, living alone. The same characteristics go along with the identification—the refusal to argue, the fear of argument, of overt protest, and of silent protest; fasting as a method of protest.

The grandfather would not even discuss his own wife with Ruburt, or any personal matters. A turned-in reticence.

Ruburt also has feelings about food, as you know—eating with strangers or with people he does not like. All of these enter in. His mother ate too much, and this is a way of asserting his independence from her. She was very fond of food, and Ruburt now pretends to dismiss it. This did not occur earlier, but only when the fears brought additional charge. He often cast you as the accuser, and therefore felt he could not communicate. You had something to do with this in the past. Later the course was set, and when you withdrew your faulty attitudes, he went on the same course.

The physical effects in Saratoga at your last trip (summer 1970) were caused by guilt, Ruburt feeling that he was so close and would not visit his mother. Now take your break. One point: These attitudes and feelings must not remain simply a part of a session. They must be discussed by both of you with emotional interplay allowed for, emotional release.

Now. Ruburt felt you were a perfectionist, both in your work and in what you demanded of others and yourself.