“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt’s deep love for you shocked him out of that pattern for some time, but he also idealized you to such an extent that some difficulties were bound to arise. Behind any ordinary disagreement you might voice, any normal protest, he felt there was a great charge. He was so afraid to voice protest himself that he felt you must be driven by great inner forces before you would dare voice any protest to him.

He thought you discouraged deep conversation unless there was some crisis that brought about a confrontation. He could not admit his fears to himself nor share them with you. He completely lacks the ability to discuss normal fears and worries in any kind of neighborhood contact—with girl friends. The fears finally became so charged that all normal discussion was out of the question. He used ideas of positive thinking to squash the fears down more securely. Their charge was so strong that he felt you were as frightened of them as he was, and therefore to discuss them would threaten you also.

(10:05. Jane said she was out “pretty good.” She said Seth must have her out good in order to get this material out, or she would break right out in the middle of the session. I also thought I had detected an emotional charge in her voice while she was in trance—something which is very unusual, etc.

Ruburt also has feelings about food, as you know—eating with strangers or with people he does not like. All of these enter in. His mother ate too much, and this is a way of asserting his independence from her. She was very fond of food, and Ruburt now pretends to dismiss it. This did not occur earlier, but only when the fears brought additional charge. He often cast you as the accuser, and therefore felt he could not communicate. You had something to do with this in the past. Later the course was set, and when you withdrew your faulty attitudes, he went on the same course.

He keeps minute by minute count of you when you are working—all unaware, yet he makes it a point not to ask you about your painting a good deal of the time. To show concern you see to his way of thinking would be to admit, even briefly, he has any fears at all regarding your work. The charge had so built up that if you had one bad afternoon painting, he saw this as a sign of complete failure on your part; and he did the same with his own work.