“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Some of the buried fears have been stationary, residing or taking up residence in their physical materialization in certain areas of the body. Each one definitely has an effect physically upon any of the thousands of muscles, and usually the same fear affects the same area of the body. You end up with blockages therefore that may show some variation in intensity with surface moods, therapy or momentary good news, but then reassert themselves in the same areas.

To ask you for help therefore was to put himself in the position of his mother, and plead helplessness. This has been mentioned before but it is a good point, that retaliation against his mother was felt to be impossible, for she would then have an attack for which Ruburt felt responsible. This brought on greater feelings of guilt over any protest.

Ruburt’s deep love for you shocked him out of that pattern for some time, but he also idealized you to such an extent that some difficulties were bound to arise. Behind any ordinary disagreement you might voice, any normal protest, he felt there was a great charge. He was so afraid to voice protest himself that he felt you must be driven by great inner forces before you would dare voice any protest to him.

(In an emotional way Jane also expressed some fears about her mother. She caught herself not wanting to admit these, but we talked it out. My mother also entered the conversation, etc. Jane did express herself with emotion. Resume at 10:23.)

Ruburt also has feelings about food, as you know—eating with strangers or with people he does not like. All of these enter in. His mother ate too much, and this is a way of asserting his independence from her. She was very fond of food, and Ruburt now pretends to dismiss it. This did not occur earlier, but only when the fears brought additional charge. He often cast you as the accuser, and therefore felt he could not communicate. You had something to do with this in the past. Later the course was set, and when you withdrew your faulty attitudes, he went on the same course.

The financial matter was added to this when he began to sell books. Not only did his book have to be good, you see, but financially successful since you loved him for his talents mainly, and the two were combined. With the financial elements added, then to retain your love his books must also sell well.

When Rebellers was published your attitude was a poor one, but it was drastically received by our friend, who could not understand it and felt then and there that you no longer loved him as you had. Because he felt you loved him for his talent alone, then his books became also gifts to you beside their meaning for himself. But not only gifts as much as reassurances, you see. “I still have my talent. I am using it, so you can love me.”