“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He could not handle his mother’s fear. As a child it terrified him and made him feel inadequate. He dared not feel it as deeply as he actually did; therefore fears in himself were also not to be faced. He was ashamed to look to anyone for help. He is afraid to ask for help because he was ashamed that his mother had to ask him, a child, for help, and often he hated her for doing so.

Ruburt’s deep love for you shocked him out of that pattern for some time, but he also idealized you to such an extent that some difficulties were bound to arise. Behind any ordinary disagreement you might voice, any normal protest, he felt there was a great charge. He was so afraid to voice protest himself that he felt you must be driven by great inner forces before you would dare voice any protest to him.

He felt you were ashamed of his background and did not want him to discuss it. (Pause.) Give us time. (Pause.) When he goes to see your father he feels guilty because he is not seeing his mother, who is also in a home. He feels that your mother is gloating, having gotten rid of the father, and he is afraid of your family home for fear it might trap you both. He did not want any of your belongings or yours in it.

All of this has been unconscious on his part. He has not been that aware of it. He felt then that he had no one to turn to or to help him. He was also afraid that his fears about physical reality now and in the future were so drastic that you would also be terrified, and that together you could not solve the problems. He was terrified of doing anything that might make you ill, and determined to bear any worries or problems alone.