“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt became frightened in the past, and long before our sessions. He had tried to dissociate himself from unpleasantness because he was surrounded by so much. He led a very active physical life however, and to some degree then could work off some of the emotional feelings that were repressed. He began in our work to become more aware of these feelings, and extremely frightened at expressing any of them, for many of the reasons given by me in the past.

I have told you in the past to make room in your daily or weekly or monthly lives for variety of a quite normal kind. I mentioned for example long ago, short trips. When ordinary measures are not taken, then more drastic ones become necessary. Your greater communication is of benefit, and was of great benefit this weekend. There are cycles, highly individualistic, of emotional moods. Depressions that are communicated allow the feelings to move on, regardless of the reasons for the depression.

An honest acceptance of the feelings is paramount. They must be accepted as real on their own terms. Then the way is cleared for the cycle to move. Resulting inhibited energy is then released. Now in the past Ruburt would brood over the feelings, leading him into a physical apathy. He was ashamed of the feelings. Both of you however still overemphasize the entire situation.

I told you I was starting out slowly.

(Jane had become very frightened a couple of days ago to realize she was becoming quite apathetic. Her legs, the knees especially, had been poor. Yet at the same time we had learned some valuable things on our own, especially over the weekend. I was very anxious that we get all the help we could.

(I felt good when this session began, yet began to feel anger as it progressed. Part of this was probably defensive. I think also the anger partly stemmed from hearing the same things over again in some instances—that is, that we had made so little progress seemingly in dealing with vital points. But the expression of fears was very beneficial, we thought, and surprisingly this was new for both of us.

If I were telling this to someone else you would think it was excellent advice and wonder why it was not taken to heart. Ruburt needs somewhat more change within a definite framework than you do, but you also need to refresh your own energies. Concentration upon the problem to such an extent does not allow the inner self the freedom to help you solve it, and a condition arises where you expect the worst and bring it therefore about.

(9:50. I had quite a few questions to ask, but since my anger had still been building up I now did not write them down, or Seth’s answers—which were very good, incidentally. I was deeply irritated and frustrated. A sharp exchange with Seth followed, and I ended up furious—which I suppose was a good way to blow off steam. Seth insisted that the answers re Jane’s symptoms, and my own contributing attitudes, had already been given in past sessions, but were not being followed.

(Also, I took exception to some statements made in the session this evening particularly that we concentrated too much upon the physical problems—granted that we created the problems, I could not understand how we were not supposed to pay any attention to the difficulties Jane had walking, etc, There was much more, and it’s not necessary to detail it all here.

Now. The condition is the result of unhealthy and negative patterns, mental patterns that the young adolescent body managed to cope with through the thyroid condition. This was the safety valve.

Ruburt became afraid that the thyroid condition would lead into erratic behavior, and after the Florida incident he slammed doors to expression down. Because he appeared so talkative, you did not recognize the point where he began to hide his fearful thought or feelings from you. This was during your illness when he felt they threatened you.

He felt then of course that erratic behavior was out of the question; and closing that door, he also closed the door largely to emotional expression. He watched his every word and action with you during your illness. The incident in Florida served to frighten him into that reaction.

The pattern had always included a strong tendency of withdrawal superimposed and enforced upon a very spontaneous self. As a child he closed off the expression of emotion from his mother out of fear, and when the fear element becomes strong as it did later for a different reason, with Walt, and much later for a far different reason with you, the pattern was reasserted.

When he felt unwanted, this was also his reaction. Initially there would be no outward change of behavior except for a compensatory additional noisiness of faked gaiety and singing. For some time the organism could take this, and as situations changed the spontaneous self would once again emerge. With a changing physical situation necessitating agile manipulation, the physical stimulations came so quickly that the pattern did not have a chance to jell. It did not become a normal pattern of behavior, but one that was now and then adopted.

Now running away from problems, literally in space, had always been his answer to everything. One day he could run away from his mother, and he did. One day he could leave Walt, and he did. But he loved you deeply, and there was no place he could run to, nor from the problems presented by your parents.

It was only too easy for you to accept this withdrawal without recognizing it for what it was, because of your own background, and I mentioned some allied material here in the near-contact session. (Last night.) Now these repressions operated constantly in daily life. The effort required to repress such material is tremendous, and the muscular motions affected.

(As Seth, Jane gestured to me to wait. I asked the question because I thought we had cracked this wall over the weekend, and was anxious for confirmation. I thought we had made a very important start.)

He adopted the symptoms partially out of example, both from his mother and from your own illness. He has made gains, but he had not made gains as far as fears were concerned at all. Some, with aggressions. He was not consciously aware enough of the fears, he had shoved them so far underground.

(Jane has already begun to verbalize her fears since this session was held, and in just two days we have seen good progress. I have also. We really believe now that we have the key to success out in the open now where we can grab hold of it.)

(“I was wondering about the feeling of hopelessness he gets.”)

(11:05. Jane said she was pretty far-out, etc. I thought the material excellent. Resume at 11:12.)

After the tour, to his way of thinking, there was nothing. He was picked up by the tour and then dropped back. He felt as if Prentice had forgotten him, and that Tam was not interested in his dream book. The visits for example had ceased. He missed the New York calls and the conversation.

(Typically, this was a subject which Jane and I discussed very little, and which obviously must be loaded with hidden fears and angers on both our parts. It will be dealt with.)

(Although we were both tired by the end of the session, I had the feeling that Jane, as Seth, was a bit reluctant to go too much into the affair with Prentice re The Seth Material, and ended the session rather abruptly at that point for that reason. Not that I don’t think Prentice owes us some explanations, for they do—especially since they told us nothing of any plans, good or not so good. We wouldn’t know the little we do know if we hadn’t written them a month or so ago, wanting to know what had happened to some long-overdue travel expense money, etc.)