“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Both of you however have a tendency to dig inward, and to concentrate upon negatives. Now if you were different kinds of people, you see, your own moods would fluctuate widely in the normal give and take with other individuals. You (to me) at your job are helped in that manner. Ruburt closed off even from you the expression of his fears; many quite normal fears, dangerous only because he considered them so.

Many of the fears have been trivial but he would not discuss them. One worry then would automatically be associated with a pile of other buried worries, and an ordinary unpleasant stimuli could evoke the whole works. A gray day becomes therefore a symbol that the sunny inner self is clouded, and he feared he could not change himself any more than he could the weather.

Above all, the fears could not be discussed with you, particularly if they seemed trivial. He never wanted you to equate him with your mother (I laughed here), and felt that a display of unpleasant emotions would only get your scorn.

(I felt good when this session began, yet began to feel anger as it progressed. Part of this was probably defensive. I think also the anger partly stemmed from hearing the same things over again in some instances—that is, that we had made so little progress seemingly in dealing with vital points. But the expression of fears was very beneficial, we thought, and surprisingly this was new for both of us.

The simple measures of going out for example allow a breakup of stimuli, a freer give and take of emotional moods. The conscious mind is fascinated and the inner self free then to act constructively. Encouraging Ruburt to discuss his fears is important, but there is no one reason behind this. Consciousness is not that simple.

Ruburt became afraid that the thyroid condition would lead into erratic behavior, and after the Florida incident he slammed doors to expression down. Because he appeared so talkative, you did not recognize the point where he began to hide his fearful thought or feelings from you. This was during your illness when he felt they threatened you.

The pattern had always included a strong tendency of withdrawal superimposed and enforced upon a very spontaneous self. As a child he closed off the expression of emotion from his mother out of fear, and when the fear element becomes strong as it did later for a different reason, with Walt, and much later for a far different reason with you, the pattern was reasserted.

When you were ill the incident rearoused his fears concerning his mother, you see. As he had watched her very mood, he watched yours, and for a short time he interpreted your actions in a very accusing light toward himself.

These issues are all important, since he could not run in space, and did not, when the pattern of withdrawal began, express his resentment; he still turns off the radio when you come into the room, for fear the noise, which to him will be interpreted by you as aggressive noisy feelings, will annoy you.

He adopted the symptoms partially out of example, both from his mother and from your own illness. He has made gains, but he had not made gains as far as fears were concerned at all. Some, with aggressions. He was not consciously aware enough of the fears, he had shoved them so far underground.

Some recommendations I will not give you now. They are in those sessions. Have Ruburt verbalize his fears in whatever way you choose. Feelings of hopelessness should also be verbalized. If they are not they pile up also. Improvements should be noted however. You should discuss plans in Ruburt’s terms with each other.

(Jane has already begun to verbalize her fears since this session was held, and in just two days we have seen good progress. I have also. We really believe now that we have the key to success out in the open now where we can grab hold of it.)

Having to do with his condition—that he will not get better, for example. But all of the feelings mentioned tonight, and the unexpressed fears, add up to a formless anxiety that can give him a feeling of hopelessness, and that is extremely important.

Unrecognized and unchallenged fears cannot be dealt with adequately until they are released. Regardless of their intellectual status, they are highly charged, though they may appear as trivial.

The personality attempts to protect itself from them, for the reasons given, but the psychic energy behind them will leap up and attach itself to events. Because the fears are not accepted individually they have a collective charge, which when properly triggered evokes the feeling of hopelessness.

The feeling then seems to be out of all proportion to whatever current event seems to have evoked it. The personality is then bewildered, feeling the weight of this as a pall. Reassurance should be given then that the fears can be expressed, and not judged intellectually. Often when Ruburt is alone the weight of these unexpressed fears is strongly upon him, then acting like a cloud that holds him down.

(Typically, this was a subject which Jane and I discussed very little, and which obviously must be loaded with hidden fears and angers on both our parts. It will be dealt with.)