“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The “lovely young woman” phrase incidentally is an excellent one for him to use. (Jane was so addressed last night in ESP class by one of her students, a male.) He did idealize you in the early days of your relationship, and then made the transition that he mentioned. He was ignoring and hiding his fears to protect you as well as himself.

“I am a lovely young woman” is particularly good because it automatically identifies Ruburt with grace, agility and health. Too often he has identified himself with his symptoms. He has in his mind seen himself not as a woman who had certain symptoms, along with many excellent good points and abilities, but he has identified himself primarily at times with the symptoms alone. Hence the appalling “monster woman” image that sprang to his mind.

When he is in error he sees himself as an old hag, overly cautious with his psychic work, knocks himself over the head for not being freer about it, distrusts it, knocks himself over the head for distrusting it, fearful of emotional expression. Now you missed this fear of emotional expression on his part, because even with it he relates well usually with others. Particularly of course he was afraid of unpleasant emotional expression, or anger.

He learned restraint in this direction with his mother, and all kinds of automatic muscular tensions were then learned to inhibit the expression of fear of anger. So at his worst he feels powerless before it, and there are energy blockages here particularly.

It would also be possible however to go through his body and pinpoint the particular energizing feelings and ideas responsible for the excellent functioning of the other body areas. Retracing is a noticeable effect, not understood, highly distorted, in the explanations you have been given, representing an echoing effect that occurs whenever the individual involved touches upon those thought and feeling areas that brought about the difficulty.

The treatments in themselves are beneficial, but useless without the guides that you have. If you really do not want to get well, then no doctor or chiropractor can help you, for you will substitute symptoms. The treatments do serve as an aid however, but he should not expect (underlined) the retracing effects, for there is no reason why they should operate in his case.

The cold does have an effect upon muscles however. It goes unnoticed when you are leaving your muscles alone. (Half humorously.) Now he thinks he should answer the phone every time it rings. And answer the door every time anyone knocks. He thinks he is afraid to have people see him in poor shape, and so does not want to answer the door. Actually it is his state of mind. He does not want to see anyone, period, often at such times. He does not have to want to see people at all times.

Now in class you see he is expressive and expansive. He enjoys teaching. In class he is spontaneous. He is also thinking of others and how to help them, and he is definitely not concentrating upon his own symptoms.

He feels an inferior member of a family, but in a superior position as a teacher, and his fear of being anonymous in a group, or swept up by it, when he is not in control of it, results from these family feelings of a group, and fear of being swept along by emotion.

He was afraid not only of his own emotions, but terrified of his mother’s emotions. He feels free to express emotion in class because he is in control of the class, and can also justify this, the use of emotion as a teaching aid. He can also give expression to a very deep concern about his fellow man, safely, since the family relationship is not involved.

A consideration of his own feelings and attitudes in class will help him see what he does right then, and what negative thoughts and emotions are present at many other occasions. He acts to some degree also with positive aggressiveness in class. He is sure of himself. The positive aggression is important.

Great bursts of energy are available to him then, and he is not ambiguous about using it. Now that feeling of confidence is available to him at other times. He should try to remember the feeling and recapture it. He also on his own speaks loudly in class, and automatically accepts his own composure, status as teacher, and his abilities, without question.

Now when he was doing disguised autobiographical novels he released his fears through his writing. When the writing changed he buried them as completely as possible. He also stopped writing what he thought of as pessimistic poetry, which had performed the same function, allowing for the expression of fearful emotions. He used some of our material as an excuse to further shove his fears beneath, overexaggerating certain remarks that I had made. You follow me here.

It is simply a matter of Ruburt keeping in touch with his own feelings, whatever they are. Do you have specific questions?

He should deal with his feelings about going out. Why does he not want to? What is he afraid of?